


Before the Calamity

by Xirema



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Adventure, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12624912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xirema/pseuds/Xirema
Summary: Calamity Ganon was not always an omnipresent entity barely kept contained within Hyrule Castle. Once upon a time, he was no more than a bad fairy-tale told to scare children. In that time, Zelda only sought to reconcile her responsibilities as Princess with her aspirations as a teenager in Hyrule. Updates Fridays and occasionally Mondays.





	1. Invitation

_In the Fourth Age of Hyrule, little is known of its culture, due to both the scarcity of Primary Documents surviving the age, and the wildly divergent accounts from those documents which did survive. In some accounts, the entirety of Hyrule had sunk beneath the seas, Hyrule was no longer an entity, and instead her people were mere inhabitants of the world above. In other accounts, Hyrule had entered a golden age of prosperity, brought on by the advancement of technology and the trade of commerce and culture with other nations. In yet more accounts, Hyrule was utterly obliterated, leaving only ruins and fragments of a cohesive society._

_Attempts to resolve these contradictory and, in many instances, fantastical histories of Hyrule have primarily involved presumptions about the nature of magic as it existed in periods prior to contemporary history. It is indeed necessary to reckon with the understanding that the fundamental nature of magic has morphed over the course of Hyrule's history, as no other hypothesis has withstood even the most cursory examination._

_The leading theory, put forward by Hylian Historia (Hannes, C., pg. 592), begins with the following conjecture―_

A massive explosion rang out, bolting Zelda up from her seat, dropping her textbook to the floor. Her eyes, previously weary from reading, were darting about.

_No vibrations. Explosion Source not inside the Castle._

_A Cannon?_

Before she could deduce any further, the window behind her was smashed through as a large object crashed into the floor of her bedroom.

Zelda spun around, gasping and clutching her chair, her hand reaching for a homemade arrow that she kept on her desk, as she surveyed the object.

Or rather, the person, whom she realized was wearing some kind of protective suit.

"PURAH!" Zelda exclaimed, her voice a mixture of shock and horror as she realized what had happened, allowing the arrow to clatter onto her desk.

The young woman stirred, slowly removing a series of scorched, armored plates from her body as she rolled onto her back. She was eventually able to extricate herself from the armor, and slowly stumbled to her feet. Then, she pulled her goggles off, contrasting her eyes against her soot-covered face. When she finally beheld Zelda's tensed up stance, she broke into a wide grin and exclaimed, "Good morning, princess!"

Zelda stammered, "I… I… Why?!"

"Hmm?" Purah responded as she absentmindedly tried to clean herself. "Because it seems like a pretty good morning."

"Why… did you… become here?!"

"Oh. I was testing reagents."

"… WHY?!"

"… To see what would happen! Why else?"

Zelda continued to stare at the young doctor, before eventually dragging a hand over her face as she surveyed the damage to her room. "My window..."

Purah clumsily spun around to look up at the broken window frame. "Ah." She turned back to Zelda. "I'm sorry about that! You can deduct that from my research budget, can't you?"

"I..." Zelda composed herself. "Yes. I think I can."

"Then don't worry about it! I'll even put in a word with my interior decorator, he'll get you something really nice to replace the old window!"

Zelda sighed. "So… Can I presume, based on the outcome of your experiment, that it was a failure?"

Purah dramatically brought a finger to her chin. "Weeelllll… I suppose that's one interpretation of the events that took place. I failed to accurately predict the explosive potential of my reagents. But on the other hand, my calculations underestimated the strength of the explosion by almost 70%! So in another sense, my experiment succeeded in finding new, more efficient compounds to initiate a combustion reaction!"

"IT WAS  **SUPPOSED**  TO EXPLODE?!" Zelda burst out, unable to contain herself.

"Well, of course! Why do you think I was wearing that armor in the first place? Come on, Zelda, put two-and-two together!"

Zelda slumped into her seat, staring listlessly forwards. "This is my life now, isn't it?"

The door burst open. "Your Highness, is everything―OH COME ON!"

Impa burst into the room, her worried expression quickly turning into terrified fury as she caught sight of her soot-covered older sister, cheerfully standing in the middle of the room, the carcass of a blast-proof suit of armor lying open on the floor.

Purah turned to Impa. "Good morning, sis!"

Zelda waved helplessly in Impa's direction.

"Purah… Why… Never mind! Get out of here! If anyone finds out what you did…!"

Purah grinned and threw her hands behind her neck. "Relax, the repairs are coming out of my research budget! And with this new compound I've developed, I'll shore up that hole in the budget in no time at all!"

"That is not..." Impa also took a moment to compose herself. "Sister..."

Purah began to pout. "Aww, don't do that..."

"I am very disappointed in how you've conducted yourself," Impa concluded, her expression formal and solemn.

Purah dramatically contorted her face into a pout as she folded her arms behind her back and approached Impa. "Aww, come on, sis, don't be like that. It was an accident."

Impa tilted her head so that she was looking in a direction away from Purah. "I am just grateful that no harm came to the princess."

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again!" Purah had flung her arms around Impa.

Impa's eye twitched. "THAT'S WHAT YOU TOLD ME LAST TIME! Do you know how difficult it was to contract someone who could replace her dresser in only three days?!"

Zelda perked up. "Wait… Last time?" She glanced at the dresser in the corner of her room. "So that's why the tears vanished in my cold-weather clothes..."

Impa went pale. "Uh. I mean..."

Purah snapped upright. "You got this, sis!" She grabbed the wrecked pieces of the armor and quickly dashed out the door before either of them could respond.

Zelda blinked at the door. "… That armor must be like half her weight, how is she able to move so quickly while carrying it…?"

"Your highness, I am so sorry..."

"Ehh, forget it," Zelda said solemnly, propping her head on with her arm on her desk.

"Zelda?"

Zelda looked at the broken window, then at the shards of glass on the floor. She then got up, grabbing a broom-and-pan from her desk, which she used to carefully clean up the glass.

"Oh, you don't need to worry about it, I can..."

"It's fine," Zelda remarked, scanning the room for any errant fragments. "I'm just glad it's between seasons right now. Maybe a little fresh air will be nice."

"O-of course."

An awkward pause hung in the air, broken only by the sound of sweeping glass.

"Is… Um… Will Purah be punished?"

Zelda shrugged. "Depends on whether my father finds out. Personally, I think she's too useful to reprimand. And..." Zelda smiled ruefully. "… To be honest, even if she occasionally causes me headaches, I actually admire her spirit. Please tell your sister to be careful, though, okay? People are much harder to replace than things." She set the pan down on a table adjacent to the door. "Take that with you and empty it when you leave."

"Sure," Impa replied, allowing her guard to fall.

Zelda sat back down at her desk. "So. What's going on today? I assume you were getting caught up on the day before all that happened."

Impa blinked. "Oh! Right. Well, your father asked for your list."

Zelda rolled her eyes, and searched her desk until she found a list of names. "Any one of these men would serve excellently as my guard. So it's just down to the Commander to identify which of them is most worthy." She handed the list to Impa. "What else?"

"Uhh, I've received word from the Printing Press, they've been backed up, and they won't have the next volume of your textbook ready by tomorrow. They say it'll be early next week at the latest."

Zelda shrugged. "That's alright. I've been moving through this one rather slowly." She reached down below her desk to recover her errant textbook.

"Okay. Um. Also. You've received a formal invitation."

Zelda's eyes widened. "To what?"

Impa produced a letter from within her tunic. "The Coming-of-Age banquet for the Princess of the Zora's Domain, Mipha Dorephan." She handed the letter to Zelda.

Zelda briefly flipped through the letter. "She's turning 16, huh?"

"Yes. I'm told that's a significant milestone for the Zora."

"Hmm." Zelda's eyes dulled as she set the letter down.

"Your highness?"

"I..." Zelda awkwardly scratched at her elbow. "I don't think I'm going to attend."

"For what reason?"

"Well, I'm somewhat behind on my studies, and I don't actually know the Zora Princess particularly well." Zelda narrowed her eyes. "Plus… I… don't do so well at parties."

Impa took a deep breath. "Might I offer some advice, your highness?"

Zelda sighed and placed her head on her hand. "Seeing as I already know that's a rhetorical question, you might as well."

"I think it would be a significant mistake to turn down her invitation. It might be that you don't know her that well, but the princess is quite fond of you. More importantly, I happen to know that diplomatic relations between our kingdom and the Zora's Domain have been… terse… these last few years. And even if you say that you're struggling with your studies, I also know that you have been working very hard on them these last few weeks. It's good to take a break." Impa paused briefly. "There's no doubt in my mind: attending this banquet would be good for you, and for the kingdom."

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. How many council meetings did you eavesdrop on to learn that?"

"I, uh..."

"I'm seriously asking. Those meetings are so boring. The advisors are the masters of needless meandering. I don't understand how you could have even had the time to eavesdrop for the exact moment they discussed our diplomatic situation."

"… Anyways. Let me make you an offer, Zelda," Impa continued, ignoring Zelda's question. "If you're so worried about falling behind on your studies, why don't you let me sort through your texts while you're absent. I'll condense everything into a more digestible format, so that when you return, you'll be rested, and welcomed by less daunting texts to read."

Zelda groaned. "… I guess it would be a good opportunity to study some of the flora and fauna unique to their region."

"… Or you could do that."

Zelda glanced at the letter. "In two days."

"If I order a carriage to pick you up this evening, you would arrive shortly before sundown tomorrow in their capital city. That would give you time to relax before the banquet begins, and it would enable you to perform your 'Field Research', as it were."

Zelda folded her hands behind her neck. "Alright, alright. Send word to Princess Mipha that I will be attending."

Impa bowed. "Very good. What should I tell your father?"

Zelda scoffed and leaned back in her chair. "I suppose you could tell him the truth?" Her expression got distant. "It's not like he expects anything from me anyways."

"… As you say, your highness," Impa replied hesitantly.

She left the room, carrying the parchment with the list of names, and the pan of broken glass.


	2. Politics

Zelda hitched up her trousers as she descended into the small reservoir, moving slowly so as not to disturb her prey. The sound of rushing water drowned out the rustling of her clothes.

Then she held out her hands, and maintaining her balance, she knelt down while leaning so that she could look directly into the water.

SPLASH!

In a swift motion, Zelda grabbed for the frog, and just barely managed to ensnare it in her hands with her first attempt. The other aquatic fauna nearby immediately began to scatter, but Zelda triumphantly held the frog above her head, even as it squirmed and wriggled to try to break free of her grasp. She was unable to hold herself back from giggling in abject glee.

Then, holding it with only one hand, she crossed back to the bank of the reservoir and reached into her field kit, grabbing a corked bottle, filled with a blue liquid. She then poured a small quantity of the bottle over the frog, causing it to immediately relax. Then, confident it was properly sedated, Zelda propped the frog up on a nearby boulder that was still visible to the setting sun, and pulling out her Sheikah Slate, she took a picture of the frog before writing down a few thoughts:

_According to all the textbooks I've read, this particular species of frog is known as a 'Hot-footed Frog'._

…  _No, I'm not joking. That's actually what it's called. Teams of scientists and Herpetologists across the entire kingdom have studied these things for decades longer than I have, and their collective idea for the appropriate scientific name for a species of animal is the phrase "Hot-footed frog"._

_Sometimes, I wonder why we even bother trying to prepare for the return of Ganon. Why would he bother? It's not like we're even a civilization worth destroying in the first place._

_At one point Purah told me that they produce a hormone that, if tempered with the right reagents, could function as a stimulant in Hylian physiology. So I at least comprehend that there's a utilitarian justification for the name._

_But it remains absurd and symptomatic of the lack of rigor these communities display. I expect that kind of frivolity from a woman like Purah, whose entire identity seems to be built around manic enthusiasm. But if this is a case to be judged by, I'm now terrified that our entire scientific community is built out of people just like Purah._

…  _Oh dear Hylia, our entire scientific community **is**  built out of people just like Purah._

Zelda set her Slate down to let out a long, drawn-out sigh in response to her revelation.

When the frog began to stir again, Zelda picked it up and set it down in the water, where it began to sluggishly swim away from her. Then, she packed her Slate back into her bag, used a towel to dry off her feet, and put her boots back on.

She stood up and looked down at the rest of the canyon. The capital was absolutely gorgeous to look upon this time of day. Zelda supposed that, even if everything else about the banquet was going to end up being insufferable, at least it was worth visiting for the view she was now seeing.

She looked at the main hall. She could see her escorts conversing with several Zora emissaries. She herself had not yet crossed into the city; in truth, she'd wanted to put it off as long as possible, at least so that she could meet the King when there would be fewer people around.

It looked like it was going to have to get quite dark before the city was going to quiet down, though.

A flash of red caught her eye, well below the city, and she refocused her gaze upon it.

It was unmistakably Princess Mipha, who had just breached the water's surface from below it, and had dived onto land. And…

Zelda squinted.

There was someone else with her. A Hylian boy she didn't recognize. He had been clutching her from behind, apparently riding on her back. Beaching herself had tossed the boy from her back, though, causing him to roll helplessly on the ground for a little while. She'd seemed alarmed for a brief moment, but he seemed to grab at her ankles, causing her to laugh and dance out of range of him.

_He must be a friend of hers._

She watched as Mipha helped him to his feet, then stood at the water's edge, waiting for him. He latched his arms around her waist, and she dove back into the water, taking him with her.

_I wonder what it's like having friends._

* * *

"King Dorephan, it is an honor to be in your presence. From the moment I arrived, I have felt the warm hospitality of your people."

The King beamed at Zelda's compliment. "I am glad to hear that, Princess of Hyrule. Your presence is most welcome within our kingdom, especially given the joyous occasion." He looked around the throne room. "Has Mipha come to greet you yet?"

"She has not, but not by any mistake of her own. I saw her outside the city, playing with one of her friends, and I did not wish to intrude."

The King developed a shrewd expression on his face. "Well, I am certain you are welcome to seek her out. She did seem quite excited to see you. Have the two of you met before?"

Zelda nodded. "Once, briefly. When she was named Champion of the Zora, she paid a visit to Hyrule Castle. However, I am afraid we were unable to exchange much more than pleasantries; I had responsibilities I urgently needed to attend to for the duration of her stay, so a brief moment greeting her was all the time I was able to devote to her. It will be nice to more properly make her acquaintance."

"I am certain she will be pleased to do so."

His smile faded.

"Ah. On the subject of the Champions… I do not wish to sour the occasion, but the times we live in demand that I at least ask for an update on the situation in Hyrule, with respect to your efforts to prepare for the possible return of Ganon."

Zelda glanced nervously around the room, at the half-dozen guards stationed throughout, and the couple of advisers sitting next to the King. "Everyone here is cleared for that sort of information, right?"

One of Dorephan's advisors scoffed loudly at Zelda's question. "We do not classify information relating to these events, Princess, at least within our domain. We prefer to keep our people informed about potentially cataclysmic events, rather than leaving them in the dark."

"Easy, Muzu." Dorphan turned back to Zelda after reprimanding his adviser. "His tone notwithstanding, Muzu's assertion is correct: information about the Divine Beasts and the preparations being done to avert Calamity are not secrets within our domain. So you may speak freely."

"Ah," Zelda said, trying to maintain her composure." In that case… There are still two Divine Beasts yet unaccounted for. The Rito people are quite confident in their current lead, and have informed us that we should expect excavation to begin before the end of the season. The Gerudo people, however, are struggling in their research efforts. I am due for a visit to their lands before year's end, and I expect to know more about their situation at the conclusion of that visit."

Dorephan looked thoughtful. "That is indeed troubling. I would like to offer the assistance of the Zora to the Gerudo people, but..." He grinned, "we do not fare so well in arid climates."

"Of course. I imagine they would appreciate the well-wishes, nonetheless."

"Perhaps."

Zelda awkwardly shuffled in place. "I have a full set of camping supplies that I have brought with me to this region, are there any areas outside the city I should avoid when setting up camp? I am not familiar with the terrain, and I do not wish to intrude upon any protected areas or interfere with the natural ecosystem."

Dorephan looked aghast. "I… Do you seriously think we would force a member of the Hyrule Royal Family to sleep in the dirt?!"

Zelda blinked. "I did not wish to assume anything about my lodging. And it is not like that is such an awful fate." Zelda grinned as she stretched her arm behind her back. "After all, even when I am home, I often find myself sleeping in my research lab, far from a bed."

Dorephan did not look placated. "Nonsense! You are an honored guest within our hallowed sanctuary! We have prepared special quarters for you and your escorts, which you will be permitted to access for the full duration of your visit."

"Oh. Well, that is most kind of you."

Dorephan looked bemused. "Young princess, I do not intend to cause offense, but is it customary in other lands to deny lodging to their guests, even royals such as yourself?"

"Well..."

Muzu spoke up again, "or is that a Hylian tradition, to deny even the most esteemed guests within your walls such lodging?"

"Not at all!" Zelda exclaimed, throwing up her arms. "It is just… Ah…" She pulled her fist against her chest. "It is more that the circumstances of my other visits… Um. King Dorephan, you are aware that the Gerudo people do not allow  _Voe_ ―men―inside their walls, correct?"

He leaned back. "Yes, I have been told that is one of their traditions. I am not certain I understand where this conversation is going."

Zelda took a deep breath. "Well, the reason I bring that up is that the first time I visited the Gerudo lands were about a year and a half ago, which coincidentally, was also my very first trip to a foreign land. At the time, both of my escorts were men, and thus not allowed within their walls. And at the time, due to my age, I was forbidden to be out of the range of my escorts. So we were forced to set up camp outside the walls of the city, myself included. After that..." She glanced to the side. "I suppose it would be fair to say that I got used to assuming I would not have lodging provided to me during my visits, so we simply got into a habit of setting up camp during our trips, without even asking whether lodging would be provided or not, and that habit extended itself to trips we took to other regions, even after my escorts were rotated, and even after my father relaxed his paranoia about my well-being."

Dorephan scratched at his head, saying nothing for a few minutes. Eventually, he spoke, "… You are a strange girl, Princess Zelda."

"Hmm," Zelda answered diplomatically.

"At any rate, I see no reason to force you to continue that habit. I assure you, the lodging that we provide for our guests is impeccable. You will find it most comforting."

Zelda bowed. "Thank you, King Dorephan. Your hospitality is boundless."

"You get yourself and your escorts settled in. I will call for my daughter, and ensure she greets you."


	3. Tea Time

_I have just emerged from one of the Zora's Domain Bathhouses. There really is nothing quite like it back home. Always maintained at just the right temperature that it feels warm, even as you acclimate to it._

_It should go without saying that I suspect this is not a mere function of plumbing. Once I concluded my bath, I drew a sample of the water from the tap, careful to ensure that it wouldn't contain any accidental contamination from, uh, myself._

_While in the field, I lack the tools necessary to analyze the composition of the water for any additives, so identifying what, if anything, the Zora put in their water to make it so soothing will have to wait until I return home. In the meantime, using what cantrips I'm capable of, I was able to discern that there were no enchantments placed upon the water, though I may ask Impa (or someone more skilled in detection magic than her) to double-check my findings, just in case I've missed something._

_Their architectural intuition also seems to be worth incorporating into Hyrule Castle, at least where the bathhouses are concerned. The walls themselves are little more than running water, which initially alarmed me; would I have any privacy inside them? You wouldn't expect the Zora to care much for such things; they are essentially naked at all times. But my alarms were quickly quelled as I realized that it was only possible for me to look out upon the city from within the bathhouse; it was not possible to look into the bathhouse from outside of it. In hindsight, this makes sense: the bathhouses probably only exist for the benefit of outsiders; the Zora are aquatic, after all. So they would have designed those facilities specifically with the privacy needs of Hylians―or the other races of this land―in mind._

_At any rate, the effect is stunning, and I was able to determine with confidence that it was made possible through a simple enchantment placed upon the water at its source. Truly, when inhabiting the―_

Zelda's train of thought was interrupted as she heard a knock at her door. "Princess Zelda?"

The soft, feminine voice could only belong to Mipha.

Zelda closed her diary and stashed it away into her bag before standing up. She was wearing a set of silk pajamas, and after she ensured her towel was still firmly wrapped around her hair, she crossed the room to open the door, her Sheikah Slate gently bouncing against her hip, bound to a strap that ran up her body around her shoulder.

Mipha stood expectantly outside the doorway, her arms folded behind her back, as she beamed at Zelda. "Hello," Zelda said quietly.

"Good evening, princess!" Mipha exclaimed, as she surveyed Zelda. "Oh, those pajamas are so cute!"

"Eheh," Zelda replied, unsure how to react to such a blunt compliment. "Thank you, I like your..."

Zelda surveyed Mipha, forgetting that she wouldn't have any clothing to compliment.

"… Fins?"

"Ah―"

They both stood awkwardly in the doorframe for a few seconds.

Mipha clasped her hands together. "I'm so sorry I wasn't able to greet you earlier this evening. I was out at the time. But the rest of my evening is free, so we can finally, uh..." A blank look crossed her face. "What is the phrase which Hylians use when friends spend time together? Handing it?"

Zelda raised an eyebrow. "Hanging out?"

"Ah, yes, that is the phrase! We must hang―out!" Mipha replied, putting unnecessary emphasis on the break between the words. "Would you like to come to my room? I have a pot of tea I've just prepared."

Zelda just barely stopped herself from saying, " _I didn't know the Zora drank tea,"_ and instead, she simply replied, "that sounds lovely."

Mipha beamed. "Follow me."

Mipha led Zelda along the walkways until they reached the royal quarters. After passing a few more chambers, they found Mipha's room.

Zelda glanced behind them, and saw that opposite Mipha's room was some kind of guest quarters. No one was inside, but the room was brightly lit and the door open, and a regular bed, like what a Hylian would use, was inside that looked like it had been recently used.

"Come on in," Mipha said, as she opened the door to her own room.

Zelda blinked as she entered Mipha's room. Unlike the guest quarters, which appeared to be illuminated by some kind of incandescent bulbs, Mipha's room was illuminated by the soft, dim glow of the same recessed lighting that the rest of the city used, giving the whole room a mild greenish-blue tint. The furnature was surprisingly conventional, at least by Hylian standards: though there was a wading pool in the back of the room that seemed like an obvious candidate for where Mipha slept, and was the most obviously 'Zora-like' aspect of the room. The rest of the room contained surprisingly plush furniture: the center of the room contained two sofas opposite each other around a large table.

Mipha led Zelda to the sofa. "Here, sit while I get you some tea."

Zelda nodded at Mipha and sat down, sinking into the sofa's soft material.

Mipha crossed the room to a panel on the wall, and placed her hand on it. A second later, the lighting in the room brightened a moderate amount. She then crossed to a large stone table in the corner of the room, and grabbed a pot and shook it. "Oh. It's empty. Alright, this will just take a few minutes." Mipha crossed to a wall where water was freely running downwards, and she held the pot out in the water for a few seconds to refill it. She then crossed back to the table and placed the pot over a hole in the stone. She then reached with her hand under the table, and Zelda was able to see that she was heating the water with magic.

"Oh, cool," Zelda began. "I did not know you knew Fire Magic."

"Hmm?" Mipha said, looking up at Zelda. "Oh, you don't need to use Fire Magic to heat up water. Water Magic is sufficient." She giggled slightly. "Yeah, the only Magic I know particularly well is Healing Magic, though I know enough Water Magic to perform cantrips like this."

"Oh. Well, that is still cool."

Zelda relaxed, sinking deeper into the sofa.

Mipha was such a pleasant girl.

Zelda was a little worried though. She knew from experience that she couldn't really carry a one-on-one conversation for all that long, and even with someone new, it didn't seem like there was a lot in common between her and Mipha. Mipha was much more obviously laid back and friendly than she was, and even if Zelda knew how to put on a nice face to prevent herself from offending anyone, she also knew that that skill didn't translate over into idle conversation with a potential friend.

Still. They were both princesses. That had to count for something.

So maybe it wouldn't be so difficult to―

Zelda heard a clinking noise in her immediate vicinity, and bolted upright, startled by the noise. "Wha…!"

She looked around, and realized, all of a sudden, that they weren't alone.

A Hylian boy―it looked like the same boy from earlier that evening, but he was wearing different clothes, so Zelda had to take a moment before she could be sure―was sitting on the opposite sofa, quietly enjoying his own cup of tea, his eyes closed. Aside from picking up his cup, he hadn't made a noise since they entered the room. He was now wearing a soft, thick, beige-colored shirt, and thick, but clean, trousers.

"I… Have you been here this whole time?!" Zelda blurted out.

He opened his eyes, revealing them to be a startlingly powerful shade of blue. He looked at Zelda, and without saying a word, quickly nodded.

Mipha laughed out loud. "Oh my, you didn't see him? My mistake, I should have introduced you." She set down the pot, added a pile of leaves to it, and crossed the room to the sofa. "This is my dear friend, Link," she said, putting her hands on his shoulders.

Link nodded, smiling.

"And this, Link," she continued, pointing at Zelda, "is your Princess, Zelda."

His eyes suddenly widened in alarm, and without saying anything, he bolted to his feet and placed his hand across his chest.

Zelda was taken aback. "That… is an interesting response." She raised an eyebrow. "I appreciate it, but random citizens of my kingdom are not required to stand at attention in my presence."

Mipha blinked in confusion before smacking her fist against her palm. "Oh! He's in training to become a knight. I guess that technically makes you his superior officer, or… something. I don't know how it works." Mipha tilted her head. "I'm surprised you haven't met him before. Aren't you supposed to pick one of the knights to serve as your personal bodyguard?"

"That… makes considerably more sense." Zelda took a moment to remember the military jargon she had learned. "Uh, at ease, soldier," she said, awkwardly.

Link nodded, lowered his arm, and sat back down on the sofa.

"Uh, no intended disrespect towards you… Link. I have not yet acquainted myself with all the knights, much less the knights-in-training. So it is not so surprising that we have not met before."

"Hmm." Mipha asserted, as she walked over to check on the tea.

Link shrugged, and picked up his cup of tea again.

_So he was the one who grabbed the last of the tea,_  Zelda realized.

She stared at him, as he sipped his tea.

Zelda tilted her head. "Do you… speak?"

Link stopped sipping his tea. "Sometimes," he replied, in a light voice, before continuing to sip his tea.

Mipha grinned and came up behind him. "He's pretty quiet most of the time," she said, playfully poking his cheek, causing him to smile and swat her away. "He's excellent at reciting poetry, though."

"Is that so?" Zelda replied, sizing Link up. "A Poet and a Warrior."

Mipha returned to tending to the tea.

Zelda frowned. "How did you not know who I was?"

Link glanced up and down Zelda's body, and, frowning slightly, he made a gesture with his hand where he ran it up and down the side of his body.

Zelda looked at herself, and realized that, while her pajamas were very high quality, they bore no signifiers of her title nor heritage, and with the towel still wrapped around her hair, even the possibility that her hair was distinctive enough to be recognized was dashed. "Ah. Yes, if I am not wearing my colors, and if we have never met before, then it is natural that you would not recognize me. I see that now."

He continued to stare at her for a moment before focusing on his tea again.

_I see now why he's only a Knight-in-'Training'_.

Mipha walked up to Zelda. "Here you go! The cup is going to be pretty hot, so I brought this to set it on," Mipha said, carrying the cup of tea and a small plate to set it upon, along with a small book. She held the book out in front of Link, and said, "Link, I'm done with this, could you run it to your bag really quickly?"

He set his tea down, took the book from Mipha, and nodded quickly before exiting the room.

Zelda saw that he simply crossed into the empty room across from Mipha's room.  _That's scandalous,_  she noted to herself, amused by this revelation, before turning back to Mipha and accepting the tea. It was definitely too hot for her to drink, but she smelled it, just to see what it was.

_Ten-to-one odds that at least Armoranth was used to make this._

"Thank you," she said, smiling at Mipha.

"You're welcome!" Mipha replied cheerfully, before grabbing a cup and plate of her own from the table and sitting down on the sofa across from Zelda, next to where Link was sitting. "Hey, listen, before we start, I just want to say… It's okay, you know?"

"Huh?" Zelda asked, confused.

Mipha kept smiling. "I know you take your title and heritage really seriously, and I think that's a good thing! It's a lot more than I can sometimes do, you know? But right now, you and I? We're just girls. And one mostly-mute boy. You don't need to be so formal: there's no one eavesdropping or looking for ways to spin our conversations into a scandal."

"Oh! I was not, uh,  _wasn't_ , trying to be overly formal," Zelda replied, a slight blush from embarrassment creeping over her face.

"You weren't?"

"No, I just..." Zelda paused for a moment. "I'm sorry. I just get really anxious around people, and when I'm in new places, and honestly just… in general. I don't..."

What Zelda wanted to say was " _I don't really have a lot of friends, so I get really uncomfortable treating someone like they're my friend, when deep-down I'm not sure how much I can really be their friend,_ " but that definitely wasn't an intensity of confession she wanted to admit to Mipha, so instead, she finished with "I don't want to offend people, so I sort of reflexively control my language when I'm not in the castle," which was a fine thing to say anyways: it wasn't a lie.

"Yeah," Mipha replied. "I guess I can get like that too when I'm not home."

Link returned to the room, closing the door behind him, before he sat back down in his original seat, next to Mipha.

"So on that note," Mipha continued, "what do you tend to do when you're not Princessing About?"

_Princessing about? Mipha, there's a difference between being informal and just making up words._  Zelda leaned back, thinking for a moment. "That is…" She looked at Mipha's expectant face, then at Link, who also had an interested look on his face. "Well, when I'm not serving as a diplomatic envoy, or officiating formal events within our own borders, or training to properly learn how to seal away evil demons, or interfacing with the Sheikah Clan, or simply attending formal education..." She broke off her spiel. "I guess I mostly just read a lot. And often I'll be working in my lab, trying to get these things to behave themselves," she added, tapping the slate affixed to her. "Oh! And I guess I spend a lot of time doing field research, though that tends to get sidetracked with me just studying the environment."

Mipha's eyes widened. "Oh wow. So you're really dedicated, aren't you?"

Zelda leaned down to pick up her tea cup. "That's one way you could look at it."

She sipped the tea.

It was still very warm, but drinkable. And flavorful.

"Do you like it?" Mipha asked, looking anxious.

"It's very good."

Mipha clasped her hands together, smiling. "Yay!"

"How about you? How do you spend your free time?"

Mipha leaned back. "Well, Muzu teaches me during the mornings, sometimes as part of my formal education, and sometimes as part of my duties as Champion, but then he has his duties as one of my dad's advisers, so in the afternoons, I mostly just spend time within the city, trying to mingle with my citizens. I'm… Ah… I'm not always so good at it, I'm afraid," Mipha continued, smiling ruefully. "Sometimes someone will have a problem, and I always feel like I have an obligation to help them. But I don't always know how to help. People seem to appreciate it, but I always worry that I'm just making a mess."

"Well, you try though, that's all anyone really needs from you."

"Yeah, but…" Mipha shrugged. "I just don't like to feel like I'm letting people down."

_Tell me about it._

"I tend to do that more often whenever Link comes to visit. He's a lot better at knowing how to help people," Mipha said, leaning into Link.

Zelda smiled. "You two seem like really close friends."

"We've known each other since we were both very little. Oh..." Mipha looked wistful. "I remember when we met. We were both so young back then..." She turned to Link. "Do you mind if I tell the story?"

Link smiled and shook his head.

"Okay, so back then, we found him passed out by the side of the river in our domain. And this ended up being this really big problem, right? Like, we didn't know who he was, and since he'd lost consciousness, he couldn't tell us where his village was or who his family was. So we kept him in our healing pool, while my parents went about trying to contact the nearby regions, trying to figure out where he was from. I visited him each day. I remember thinking he..."

Mipha suddenly looked flustered, and paused briefly.

"… Anyways, one day, while I was there, he finally woke up. I was supposed to ask him who he was and where he was from, but I ended up forgetting that and just ended up asking him a bunch of random questions. I thought it was funny how he only ever seemed to give one or two word answers, so I started trying to test him, by asking questions that could only possibly have long, complex answers, but even so, he kept answering them in only a few words. It was like a game, basically. Eventually, one of the nurses found us, and they found out that his family was from the Hateno region, and sure enough, we found a family who had reported their son to be missing. He went home, but every few days after that, he'd find his way down here, and we'd play that game again, or we'd go swimming together. I've never been a super strong swimmer, but he's so light and skinny that as long as he clings to my back, I can basically just pull him with me." She grimaced. "It took me a little while to get used to how often Hylians need to breath air, though I guess he just got really good at holding his breath, eventually," she said, looking up at Link for confirmation.

He replied with a raised eyebrow and half-smile.

"… a little of both?"

He audibly giggled.

Mipha pushed her elbow into his side. "A-anyways, we've basically been friends ever since, and he's an honorary citizen of our domain now. Even after starting his training as a knight, he still visits every now and then, depending on how rigorous his training is."

Zelda glanced at the door, in the direction of the guest quarters she had spotted. "I should think so, considering they let him stay in the room next to yours."

Mipha laughed, "Muzu had a fit when they gave him that room. 'He's obviously a spy, he'll stab her in her sleep!' Oh dear… I know he means well, but if he thinks my friend is part of some sinister plot against me, he really needs some help, you know?"

Zelda chose not to comment on his behavior when she had been speaking with King Dorephan. "Still, I'd imagine that arrangement had to turn some heads, suspicion towards Hylians or not."

Mipha tilted her head, as Link suddenly looked bashful. "What do you mean?" She asked.

Link suddenly made a small gasp of noise, but didn't say anything.

Zelda smiled. "I mean, I guess the culture is different here, but I'd never let a boy sleep within 20 meters of me unless I, you know, was getting up to some, uh,  _late night activities_  with him," she said, winking suggestively at Mipha, utterly oblivious to the landmine she had just accidentally set off.

Mipha suddenly looked very self-conscious. "Oh, no no no no no! That's, uh, that's not at all what's going on!"

Link buried his face in his hands, though Zelda could see a blush creeping out from behind.

Zelda tensed up. "Well, I mean, obviously, I was simply saying..."

"Okay, but, heh, you understand that he and I are just friends, right? There's nothing improper at all going on between us! We would never do that sort of thing with each other! I mean, eww, gross!"

Zelda blinked.

Mipha grew even more flustered as she turned to Link and continued to blurt out her stream of consciousness directly to him. "Wait, I didn't mean, oh dear… It's not that I wouldn't… Or, uh, I mean, I  _wouldn't_ , because I know that that's not something  _you_  want, which, of course, means it's not something I want. Or, well, you know what I mean. I think? Uh, I don't think I'm explaining this right."

Zelda found herself unable to speak, and simply allowed her mouth to hang open.

"Um, it's like this," Mipha began again, still speaking directly to Link. "I am extremely fond of you, because you're my dearest friend and most treasured companion, and I've never been happier than when you're with me. But obviously, my feelings do not extend into the realm of obsessively thinking about you when you're not around, or fantasizing about asking you to marry me, or endlessly considering telling you about my true feelings, but every time ultimately deciding not to do so because a boy like you would never even think to find someone like me attractive and worth courting, and me confessing feelings of that nature would almost certainly be an irreparable wedge in our friendship, which as I established, is the most valuable thing I have come to know, and yet in spite of that my desire for you torments me each time I consider it, and, uh, um. Er. Well, that is to say… it should be clear that I have no familiarity whatsoever with feelings of that nature!"

Zelda had to employ every measure of self-control that she was capable of to stop herself from making a face at Mipha's transparently obvious infatuation with Link.

Mipha turned back to Zelda, her face luminescent. "Does, uh, does all of that make sense?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Zelda spotted Link crossing his legs, his face still very much covered by his hands out of sheer embarrassment.

Zelda looked directly at Mipha's troubled, panicked face. "Yes. All of that made perfect sense to me. There is nothing for me or anyone else to question about your relationship."  _Out loud._

Mipha breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. Good. That's, that's… That's… Good. I'm glad we cleared that up." She looked at Link. "There's no misunderstandings, right?"

Link shook his head, his hands clinging to his face.

Zelda sipped her tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Chapter Title: "Girl, you live in the water, how are you this THIRSTY??"


	4. Regret

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh..."

Zelda was at home, lying on her bed, groaning from the pain, when she heard a sharp knock at the door.

She forced her eyes open, and squinted at the bright light streaming in through the windows, shielding her eyes after the light proved so significant as to potentially blind her.

"Ugh… What?" She groaned in the direction of the door.

She could hear Impa's voice from the other side of the door. "Is… Is it alright for me to enter?"

"Sure," Zelda flatly replied.

The door slowly slid open and Impa walked in. "Oh my. Are you alright?"

"Sick."

"Oh."

"The..." Zelda took a deep breath. "The Zora have some nasty food they consider to be a delicacy. I couldn't refuse any of it, so I had to eat it whenever it was offered. Something definitely gave me food poisoning."

"That bad, huh?"

"I mean..." Zelda forced herself to sit up. "Most of it  _tasted_  okay, but either something was improperly cooked, or it just wasn't compatible with a Hylian Girl whose entire palette consists of refined foods."

She let herself flop backwards onto the bed.

"… Maybe it was the latter. It didn't seem like Link was having any trouble eating that stuff."

"Link?"

Zelda waved her hand. "Some Mute Hylian boy from the Trainee Knights. Mipha's friend, and apparently the boy she wants to someday  _Fertilize her Eggs_ , so to speak."

"Zelda!"

"Hey, I don't blame her. A husband who can't backtalk at you? Seems like a dream come true. Plus, he seems pretty athletic, and I'm told dumb, pretty girls like that sort of thing."

Impa sighed. "You know, talking like that is half the reason our relationship is strained with the Zora."

Zelda snorted. "Yeah, maybe."

"Did the rest of your trip at least go well?"

Zelda sighed. "I mean, it wasn't a failure. I had a good chat with King Dorephan." She turned her head to look, sideways, at Impa. "He seems like he's genuinely interested in trying to repair things between our kingdoms. That might be something you could report to my father."

"You could tell him that yourself. You know, impress him with your diplomatic skills."

Zelda narrowed her eyes and reset her head. "… That might be something you could report to my father."

"Fine. Did you at least get along with Mipha, even if she's a dumb, pretty girl?"

Zelda snorted, grinning, but her expression quickly faded. "I shouldn't say mean things about Mipha. She was nice to me."

"Yes, I'm inclined to agree."

"Why do I always need to be mean to people who are nice to me?"

"Probably because you're an antisocial elitist who constantly looks for ways to put down the people around you to make you feel better about your own inadequacies?" Impa responded in a polite tone. "Your highness," she added.

Zelda glared at Impa. "… Do you seriously think you can get away with saying something like that?"

"Well, I think that depends," she replied, holding up a large bucket, "on how badly you need this right about now."

"You…!" Zelda tried to sit up, but a drastic and sudden wave of Nausea washed over her, and she held still, waiting for it to pass.

Impa held the bucket just out of range of Zelda's armspan, an aloof look on her face.

Zelda tried to hold firm, but her stomach was rapidly churning.

"Do you need this bucket, your Highness?"

Zelda nodded, a pained expression on her face.

Impa stoically placed the bucket next to Zelda. A moment later, Zelda grabbed the bucket, leaned over it, and puked a sizable portion of the contents of her stomach into it.

"I figured as much."

Zelda continued retching into the bucket for another minute before she felt safe to fall back onto her bed again.

Impa gingerly handled the bucket, keeping it at arm's length. "As a special treat for being such a good patient, I will take care of emptying this for you."

Zelda closed her eyes and draped her arm over her head. "Thank you Impa. You are the best Attendant a Princess could ask for."

"… You do know that I'm just going to make one of the servants do it, right? I wouldn't dirty my own hands doing something like this. I have to meet with a group of Nobles in a few minutes, and even if you're a princess, your vomit still stinks of bile, like anyone else."

"Still."

Impa began to walk towards the door.

"Impa?"

"Yes?" Impa didn't turn around.

Zelda didn't say anything for a few seconds.

Until, eventually…

"Am I a bad person?"

"What?"

"I ruined Mipha's attempt to connect with me. Instead of trying to bond with her, I prodded at the relationship between her and her friend, and probably made things really awkward and uncomfortable for them." Zelda paused for a moment. "I could pretend I didn't know what I was doing, but… On some level, I did. I didn't know Mipha was going to… overreact… the way she did, but there were enough cues for me to realize that things weren't totally on the level between them. But I poked at them anyways."

Impa shrugged. "Do you think a good person would be feeling the need to ask me a question like that?"

"Maybe not," Zelda said quietly, "but maybe even good people second-guess themselves?"

Impa sighed and turned around to face Zelda. "Okay. I do not believe in 'good' or 'bad' people. I just believe in people, who perform actions which might be good or bad or some superposition of the two. So how about we ignore your original question, and instead focus on whether your actions were good or bad."

"…. 'kay."

"On one hand, yes, it is possible that you exposing a nerve in her friendship has made it volatile and fragile. On the other hand, it probably is not healthy, if Mipha is truly in love with that boy, for her to put on a charade of feigning otherwise. And if the boy reciprocates her feelings, then your intervention might very well be the kick they needed to take that next step together."

Zelda laid quiet for a short time. "That just seems like post-facto justification."

"It is, yes. I also think you are beating yourself down needlessly. I don't think that Mipha, or anyone else, is thinking less of you simply because you asked a question in an inopportune manner. She chose to react the way she did, and even if she did have a legitimate gripe with you, she needs to take responsibility for any infidelities that she has created for herself, and it's not a judgment on your character that you revealed that fact."

"Hmm."

"Try to get some rest. You are still a princess, regardless of how you feel about your own personal character."

Zelda didn't say anything as Impa exited the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In some cultures, Princess Vomit™ is considered a delicacy...


	5. The Coalition

Loud horns blared throughout the castle, awakening Zelda from her slumber.

"Huh…?"

She looked around her room, not seeing anything, until she realized why, as she spotted a few stars through her broken window.

_It's the middle of the night, what is going on?!_

The horns weren't warnings. The alarms used to alert of attacks or danger were very different. These were… Zelda listened again.

When the horns blared out, she immediately hopped out of bed and began dressing herself.

She knew who those horns belonged to.

* * *

"King Hyrule, I apologize for the late hour. But what we have come to discuss is of rather immediate concern."

The speaker was a tall Rito man, who bowed low before the King.

"I do not believe we have made acquaintance before," Rhoam responded, sizing up the Rito man.

The Rito man looked taken aback. "I…  _seriously_?  _You don't know about…"_ He cleared his throat. "I apologize! It was rude of me to address you without introducing myself first. My name is Revali, and I am the newly anointed Champion of the Rito people!"

Rhoam's eyes widened slightly. "Newly anointed? You mean to say that the Divine Beast has been successfully excavated? We were not aware that you had confirmed its location."

Revali tapped his forehead, smiling. "We Rito are masters of the sky, so your skepticism is understandable. But once we were able to successfully activate the beast, it immediately tore free of its earthly shackles to take its rightful place in the skies above! It is, obviously, quite fitting that such a majestic beast would be within our care."

Rhoam leaned back in his throne. "That is good news. Though I am not certain I understand your decision to arrive and engage with us this late in the evening. Is there a more pressing matter you need to address?

Revali narrowed his eyes slightly. "Well, the context of our meeting is certainly the revelation of the Divine Beast's return to glory, and my reception of the task of being its champion, but there is another… topic..."

Revali's voice trailed off as a commotion began to form in the line of nobles standing at attention to the side of the king.

" _Excuse me! Pardon me! I'm so sorry, please, I just need to..."_

Zelda emerged from the line of nobles as they awkwardly shifted back into place. She glanced wildly around the room, dashed to a point adjacent to her father's throne, and stood abruptly at attention, her eyes wide.

Revali raised an eye at Zelda. "I presume you would be Princess… Zelda?"

"Yes!" Zelda exclaimed breathlessly.

He sized her up for almost a full minute, before clasping his hands together, a wide smile on his face. "Excellent! I am Revali, the Rito Champion! And it is good that you have made your presence here, your highness, as that rather elegantly―if I do say so myself―segues into the topic I wished to bring to your father's attention. Namely," he said, turning to Rhoam, "that now that we have three confirmed champions, plus the lovely princess standing before us, we believe it is time for the four of us―plus whomever the Gerudo anoint as their Champion―to begin working together to fully restore the Divine Beasts, and coordinate in our strategy to successfully defeat Ganon. I have already made contact with Daruk of the Gorons, and he has agreed that this is in our mutual interests."

Zelda stiffened in place.

What Revali was proposing made perfect sense―in a world where Zelda had completed her training and had mastered her magic.

This was no such world.

In fact, she was rather critically behind on her training.

Rhoam cleared his throat. "Those of you who are not Revali, myself, or my daughter, please exit the throne room so that I might hold a private congress with the Rito champion."

Revali raised his eyebrow as the nobles, plus the representatives that had accompanied Revali, exited the room, leaving only the three of them.

Revali approached the king, until he was standing the same distance from him as Zelda was. "Your majesty, is there something concerning about my proposal?"

Rhoam spoke bluntly. "I cannot advise this course of action, for a number of exigent reasons."

"Such as?" Revali asked, undeterred.

"My first concern has to do with the resources you are essentially asking myself, and the Zora, and the Gorons, to dedicate to this cause. To be blunt, as of yet, we have seen no conclusive evidence of Ganon's return. The restoration of the Divine Beasts remains a task to which we have dedicated time and resources solely because the investment was marginal and non-intrusive. What you are proposing would be neither of those things. My daughter serves a vital political role in the kingdom, one which she would essentially have to abandon were she to join your calling."

Zelda closed her eyes in frustration.

Her father wasn't  _wrong_ , per-se.

But it would be nice if he would solicit her input on the matter.

"I admit," Revali replied, throwing up his arms, "that we too are not convinced of the certainty of Ganon's return. But we think there are tremendous benefits to this coalition beyond the mere hypothetical, and though you bring up your daughter's status as the Hylian Princess, it is my opinion that you are overlooking the opportunities she would have to exercise that role within our coalition. After all, the coalition would contain at least one representative and exemplary member from each of the Races of Hyrule. You must see that there is tremendous benefit for cooperation, even outside the topic of Ganon and the Divine Beasts, given that." He turned to Zelda. "What do you think of this, your highness?"

"I..." Zelda began―

Rhoam interrupted her, "there is another matter, which has to do with my daughter's training as the Hylian champion. She has yet to fully awaken her ability as a Sage, and participation within your coalition would be very likely to distract from her responsibilities."

Revali shrugged his shoulders. "I recognize the legitimacy of your concern, but I would counter that concern by observing that..." He smiled shrewdly, "… it is essentially nonsense?"

Zelda froze again, worried about how her father was going to react to that.

Rhoam narrowed his eyes. "Do you think me to be a fool?"

Revali smirked, and began to slowly walk in a circle around both Zelda and Rhoam. "I would very much like to think you are not a fool, King Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule. Your highness," he said, directing his attention at Zelda once more, "what do you make of the state of your training? I am not merely interested in the objective truth, as your father has presented it; I am also interested in your subjective interpretation."

Zelda glanced up at her father, whose gaze was focused exclusively on Revali. "I…" she turned to look at Revali. "I do not think that there is anything to dispute. I am dreadfully behind on my training, as he said."

"Yes, but if you had to identify a clarifying rationale for why that might be, what would you say it is?"

Zelda's eyes widened. "Pardon?"

"There are a number of hypothesis' that might explain why you have fallen behind in your training, your Highness. It is possible that your political duties have interfered with your training. It is possible that illness or strife have coordinated to set you back. It might very well be possible that you are unmotivated to fully engage with your training. And, while I presume this is not the case, it is of course within the realm of possibility that you are simply a dullard. So of those hypothesis', do any of them explain the reason you have fallen behind on your studies? If so, which one, and if not, what hypothesis would you offer as an alternative?"

Zelda glanced at her father again, who remained silent. She then took a deep breath, and said, "my mother."

Revali frowned and stopped in place. "What do you mean?"

Zelda clutched her shoulder. "She was my teacher. Without her guidance, I have found it very difficult to keep up with my training. There are few within the castle that have knowledge of these magics, and none who are more proficient in that understanding than I, even in my limited state."

No one spoke for a few moments.

"Pardon my bluntness," Revali said, his tone softer, "but from your tone, I am led to believe that your mother has passed on."

Zelda nodded, a stolid expression on her face.

"I am sorry for your loss. And I beg you for your forgiveness towards my candor when I say that, now knowing that, my argument to form this coalition is renewed and emboldened. King Hyrule," he said, his voice suddenly back to its previous volume, "it seems that the major stumbling block in your daughter's training has to do with the lack of qualified mentor figures in her life. I do not imagine many disciples would ever succeed in their craft without those they can turn to in times of ignorance and waywardness. As such, I feel notably qualified to call attention to the fact that, should this coalition form successfully, your daughter would be in the presence of multiple masters of the Arcane arts.

Daruk is a master of a wide variety of Warding magics. As I understand it, despite her age, the Zora champion is exceptionally accomplished in her understanding of Healing magics. And though the Gerudo have yet to declare their Champion, the most probable woman in their ranks to be declared their champion is well known to be a master of Lightning Magic. So should your daughter be a part of this coalition, she would receive the opportunity to be mentored by three masters of the Arcane. Now, I do not presume that any one of them, or even all three of them combined, are an adequate substitute for the guiding hand of a loving mother. But I would think that they would be a much preferred alternative to the lack of a mentor she currently possesses."

Revali had a small smile on his face, as Zelda continued to awkwardly stand in the shadow of her father, while Rhoam leaned back in his throne.

After about a minute, Rhoam finally spoke: "… there are a few logistical concerns that weigh on my mind."

"Of course," Revali said, his tone polite enough that only Zelda noticed the slight irritation in his voice.

"My daughter does not have combat training, unlike you and the other champions. Up until now, she has had a rotating suite of bodyguards tasked with keeping her safe in her occasional travels. If, however, she were to become part of this coalition, and were traveling far more frequently, she would be required to rotate her escorts on a twice-weekly basis. That might prove utterly impractical for your agenda."

Revali nodded. "Yes, that would be a concern. Are you unable to secure a permanent bodyguard to accompany her?"

Rhoam sighed. "We are in the midst of the difficult process of choosing a knight who would be able to accompany her." He turned to Zelda. "I was previously told that you had submitted a short-list of candidates you would approve of accompanying you?"

"Yes, father," Zelda replied stiffly, upset that this was the first time he had spoken to her this whole time. "Were any of the candidates approved?"

Rhoam slowly stood up from his throne. "We will discuss this further in the morning. Revali."

Revali folded his arms behind his back and faced the king.

"I am not rejecting your proposal. What you have said to me today makes sense, and I am inclined to approve sending Zelda to accompany you and the other Champions. However, before I can do so, it is imperative that we resolve the question of whom would be accompanying her. That is non-negotiable. So at the very least, she will not be taking any part in your coalition until that particular subject has been dealt with, and I cannot give you a timeframe on when that will be at this time."

"I am humbled by your wisdom," Revali replied, bowing.

"You and your escorts are free to borrow housing within the castle until morning."

"Actually," Revali replied, "that will not be necessary. I have presented my case to you, and I think you have sufficiently heard my arguments enough to make an informed decision. We will be taking our leave at this time."

"Very well." Rhoam slowly walked out of the throne room. "I bid you safe travels."

Zelda and Revali awkwardly stood in the throne room.

"Hmm." Revali said out loud, his claw scratching at his chin, "I must confess, while I do consider this endeavor to have been a success, it definitely went less smoothly than I had anticipated."

"Yeah..." Zelda replied. "I'm sorry for my father, he's―"

"An Ass, I know."

Zelda was taken aback by Revali's language.

"―However," he continued, turning to face Zelda directly, "I sense his bullheadedness comes from a place of genuine concern for your well-being and happiness. I respect that."

"That's good to hear―"

"I just wish he respected you, Princess Zelda."

"Oh."

Revali folded his arms. "Also… I did not wish to contradict your father openly, but I feel I must ask: does he genuinely not take the threat of Ganon's return seriously?"

Zelda sighed. "He understands that His return is a possibility, but he seems to view it as a remote, far-flung possibility. I've not been able to convince him otherwise."

"Keep trying." Revali seemed to be finished talking, but suddenly added, "please, your highness," after a few moments of silence.

Zelda nodded. "You're really not going to stay the night?"

"I am afraid my people are expecting us back before morning, and would be quite alarmed if we did not make curfew. Unless," he suddenly raised an eyebrow at Zelda, "you are making a formal request that we stay?"

"No," Zelda replied flatly.

Revali smiled. "That attitude might save your life one day, Princess. Hold on to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Falco is kind of a jerk, isn't he?


	6. Not an Accredited Therapist

Zelda adjusted the cushion she was sitting on as the caravan wagon went over yet another bump in the road, briefly launching her into the air.

Her Sheikah Slate was detached from herself and was sitting next to her, strapped to the seat to keep it from flying around.

With her free hand, Zelda placed it over her face in frustration.

Across from her sat the Knight-Commander of Hyrule, a worried and apologetic look on his face.

"Your highness?"

He spoke in a gravely tone.

Zelda glanced up at him, and failed to conceal her disdain. "What is it?"

"I… Feel I have already said this several times, but I once again feel the need to apologize for the rough se-eating," he said, his last word punctuated with another bump in the road. "We do not typically retrofit these seats for the nobles."

Zelda crossed her arms. "I can handle a little rough terrain, commander. Over the last few years, Hyrule's unkempt wilderness and myself have become very well acquainted."

"Ah. Well..."

The Commander's voice trailed off as the wagon continued to rock.

Zelda glanced out the window at the gradually thickening forest. "Just say it."

"Your highness, I do not―"

"And stop calling me 'Your Highness'. You and I both know I don't want to be here."

His eyes widened briefly. "… Princess."

Zelda sighed.

"It is not a secret to me that you are displeased with being here. So if there is anything we can do to make you more comfortable, maybe we could find another cushion―"

"Again," Zelda replied, her voice more agitated, "my issue is not the terrain."

"Well, if not that―"

"It's you." Zelda said, point-blank.

The Commander looked aghast.

"Or, I mean..." Zelda sighed again, dialing back her anger. "Not  _you_ , specifically. You're doing a fine job. I mean 'you', as in, 'The Knights'. Everyone on this expedition. I don't want to be here because the  _reason_  I'm here is infuriating, and infantilizing, and worst of all, tedious."

The wagon hit a large bump and Zelda had to grab her seat cushion to make sure it didn't slide out from under her.

The Commander frowned. "I respect your frustrations, Princess. But you are very young, and you have no combat training. If your father does end up allowing you to join Revali's Coalition, you will require a bodyguard."

"I know that!" Zelda exclaimed, throwing up her arms. "It's just..."

She didn't continue her thought.

The wagon was silent for a few seconds.

"Well, I for one am happy to be here!"

Zelda glared at the speaker, Purah, who was sitting next to Zelda. She had been silently giggling each time they hit a bump, and had a disgustingly happy expression on her face.

_Of course you are._

Every single name on the list Zelda had submitted to her father had been rejected.

At first, Zelda felt guilty for that. She hadn't spent a tremendous amount of time vetting each of the Knights herself. She'd simply paid a visit to the Garrison, found the twenty men and women who had been top performers in the field, and submitted their names to her father. So on some level, she didn't really figure out who any of them were, or whether they would be compatible with her as a personal bodyguard, and that was a legitimate failing on her part.

But the more she thought about it, the more the verdict seemed unfair.

For starters, if the criterion wasn't to find the person most qualified, then  _what, exactly, were the criteria she was supposed to use?_  She needed someone who could keep her safe, and despite the relative lack of vetting she had employed, she was still confident that any one of the knights she had named would be perfectly capable of doing that. Additionally, all but a few of the knights she had named had been close to her in age, and since age was a known detriment to reflexes, there really wasn't a good reason to presume that her father intended her to pick someone older.

Rhoam had taken Revali's offer seriously, though: if Zelda was to join the coalition, then it was imperative that she find a bodyguard, soon.

So that was her mission for this trip: vet the Knights once more, and find  _someone_  who was an absolute fit for her.

The wagons ground to a halt.

Zelda sighed and stood up. "Alright, I suppose that means we've arrived? Purah, why don't you get to work―"

"YAAAAAAYYYYY!" Purah exclaimed, bounding out of the wagon, her research journals in tow.

"―ignoring me and doing your own thing, I guess."

The Knight-Commander raised an eyebrow. "What  _is_  her purpose here?"

"Apparently the alchemy lab has only a scant few compound samples from the Lost Woods, and the few we do have are apparently contaminated and poorly suited for laboratory work. So, hearing that I was joining the Knights here for their retreat, she basically demanded I take her with. She's… interesting, but she does know her stuff. So I didn't really have a good reason to refuse her."

Zelda then stepped outside of the wagon and shielded her eyes from the sunlight streaming down directly into the clearing they had stopped within. There were slightly more than half a dozen wagons parked around the clearing, and Knights began to filter out of the wagons. It took Zelda a moment, pondering the fact that many of the Knights appeared to be way younger than expected, before she realized that the Knights-in-Training were here too.

Zelda examined each of the men and women closely, until she spotted Mipha's friend. He was lined up alongside several other recruits, waiting for their camping assignments.

Several Knights from a different wagon approached Zelda. "Your highness!" They proclaimed, saluting her.

Zelda stiffly returned the salute.

"We're ready to begin the interview process with you!"

"Tomorrow," Zelda replied quickly, "or at least not right now. I have diplomatic responsibilities to attend to." She glanced meaningfully into the thicker woods. "They are expecting me."

* * *

" _It is good to see you once more, Hylia._ "

This was the third time Zelda had ever spoken to the Great Deku Tree, and each time, it had addressed her like that.

"Just call me Zelda," she replied for the third time.

" _Hyrule is Prosperous. Her lands fertile, her seas bountiful. Yet you seem troubled. What would stir your emotions so?"_

Zelda smirked. "Somehow, I'm pretty certain that my personal drama is beneath the concern of an ancient forest spirit."

" _Perhaps; yet it is a conflict whose machinations might very well intersect with the fate of this land. The Koroks tell me that you plan to form a Fellowship among the Races of this land, and I sense your conflict represents a hurdle to that momentous act. Though I am ancient and well beyond the impact of such disputes, you need not consider it beneath my station to consider it."_

"Even so..." Zelda broke off her speech as she heard laughter from behind her.

Several Knights were gathered at the center of the Shrine keeping the  _Blade of Evil's Bane_  housed, and one of them was flat on her back, gasping and wheezing, while the other two laughed at her. It was obvious from context that she'd just attempted and failed to pull the sword out of the pedestal. A few Koroks were standing nearby watching, and from their body language, Zelda assumed they were worried about whether they needed to help the fallen knight or not.

Scowling, Zelda motioned in their direction. "I suppose if you do want to hear about my problems, then it can start with  _them_. I'm supposed to pick one of them to serve as my bodyguard."

" _Do you feel their capabilities fall short?"_

Zelda looked at the Knights once more, as several recruits walked up to them while one of the other knights struggled with the sword. "I mean, certainly, those knights in particular don't inspire confidence that they can protect me. When they're willing to potentially injure themselves just to make a futile effort to pull a legendary blade out of the ground, they're not much good to me or anyone else."

Another wave of laughter.

" _Would the ability to successfully draw that blade be something you take as evidence of their capability to protect you?"_

Zelda snorted. "Probably not."

" _Really."_

Zelda snorted. "Okay, I know where you're going with this, and I've already thought it through. See, obviously, if someone actually could lift that sword, I think a  _reasonable assumption_  isthat that would prove their worth to defend me. But here's the thing: I  _also_   _thought_  that simply choosing the most capable Knights for my father's vetting process would be enough. I was wrong, and not only was I wrong, I also literally do not understand the reasons I was wrong. So now, standing here, thinking 'oh, obviously any Knight that could draw that sword would be my number one choice', but also  _knowing_  that not only  _could_  I be wrong, but even that I  _wouldn't myself know_  that I was wrong, I therefore have to take my seemingly reasonable assumption and presume that it is false. Because apparently, the freaking Princess of Hyrule doesn't know any better about anything!" Zelda's voice escalated in pitch as she finished her rant.

" _Perhaps―"_

"Oh, I'm not done!" Zelda bellowed, a manic look on her face. "See, you, the wise and Ancient Forest Spirit that you are, filled with boundless wisdom and intellect, are probably close to objecting to my reasoning. 'But Zelda, haven't you simply described an existential ouroboros? After all, if you truly know nothing, then isn't it entirely plausible that your reasoning for why your  _seemingly reasonable assumption_  is wrong is, itself, wrong? Haven't you merely indulged the creeping realization that everything is fake, truth is a lie, and nothing actually matters?'"

Zelda shook her head, a cocky look on her face.

"You might think that, but I already know what the truth is, because in my experience, the Truth is always, without question, whatever explanation is least convenient for me, specifically. Whichever set of variables is the most hostile to me and my goals, irrespective of the sheer contrivances invoked, will prove truthful."

Zelda leaned back and put on a falsetto voice.

"Oh? What's this? Your destiny is to master an ancient sealing power, such that you can trap and banish a literal resurrected demon king? Well, it's awfully convenient that you have such a wonderful and caring mother who, having loved you and protected you and nurtured you and guided you, will be able to guide you through the process of learning how to―oops! She's dead now! Oh, don't worry about it, you're a confident and capable young woman, I'm certain losing your actual mother will prove only a minor hiccup in that quest! It's not like you needed her for emotional or familial support anyways, right? Surely you've outgrown such trivial matters! It's not like losing her will tear asunder the very core of your personality, twisting you into a veritable homunculus that has long since lost the ability to genuinely connect with other people because your father is utterly incapable of providing that kind of empathy, which means that hardening yourself against the cruelties of the world has been your only defense against its ravages, and in doing so, you've denied any vector by which anyone around you could become even fleetingly intimate with you."

Zelda breathed heavily, not realizing that tears were streaming down her face.

" _Perhaps it would serve you well to find educated individuals among your people with whom you could share such feelings._ "

Zelda was vaguely aware of a ruckus forming near the shrine. "I don't know." She folded her arms, looking away from the Deku Tree. "Maybe." She narrowed her eyes. "I've got too much to do. Too many responsibilities. Too many places I need to be."

The silence that followed her comment was broken by a rising and falling of cheering at the shrine. She turned to look at what was now nearly half the Knights and Recruits. "What are they even doing?"

" _It appears that the older Knights have engaged in a form of hazing the Recruits, whereby their worthiness to be a Knight is being preemptively judged by the duration that they can last while attempting to draw the Sword of Evil's Bane."_

"Of course they have," Zelda replied sullenly. "I assume none of them have actually succeeded at pulling out that thing, right?"

" _Naturally._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not seek Psychoanalysis from strange Trees.


	7. The Sigh Heard Around the World

Zelda walked up one of the roots of the Deku Tree to try to get to higher ground, to better see what the Knights were doing.

"Yo!" A voice shouted from ahead.

Closer to the Trunk, Zelda found Purah, closely examining an errant mushroom.

"Hey, big tree guy! You've got mushrooms! I, uh, I don't know if they represent like a disease, or if that's a normal thing for you."

" _I am a host to a wide variety of natural and healthy Flora._ "

"Cool… Cool."

Zelda eyed Purah in alarm. "Have you been here this whole time?"

"Hmm. Well, I was only born nineteen years ago, so at a maximum, I only could possibly have―"

"Since… Since we arrived at the forest, Purah. Obviously, Purah," Zelda said despondently.

"Oh. Uh, then yeah, pretty much."

Zelda folded her arms defensively. "So you heard my conversation with the Deku Tree then."

Purah shrugged dismissively. "I mean, I  _heard_  it, but I wasn't really paying attention. Something about 'Ravaging Defenses', and you mentioned an Ouroboros at one point? I didn't understand the connection. Of all the dragons I'm aware of, I don't think any of them eat their own tails in a paradox."

"Don't… Don't worry about it," Zelda replied pensively.

Another rising and falling cheer from the Knights.

Purah glanced at the crowd, then knocked on the trunk of the Deku Tree. "So… Ballpark estimate… where do you put the odds that any one of them succeeds at actually yanking that thing out? Ten-to-one?"

" _Only the truly worthy would be capable of drawing that blade."_

"Mm. Well, I once saw one of the Knights benchpress two other Knights, in full armor. So maybe twenty-five-to-one?"

" _The Blade seeks far more than physical strength. Any would-be wielder who is not noble in their heart will fail, irrespective of their physical strength."_

"Fifty-to-one."

" _Hundreds of thousands of souls have, in my tenure as Guardian of these lands, made a sincere effort to draw that Blade. None have succeeded."_

"… Forty-to-one?"

" _A gauntlet such as that which your Knights have proposed is even less likely to produce such a Champion, as the Blade most certainly will refuse even a worthy soul who participates in jest."_

"Mm. Odds TBD." Purah leaned against the trunk. "A hundred-thousand souls, huh? You know, maybe you need to filter the applicants a bit. You could restore the protective magicks around this forest, so only those marginally worthy even find their way here."

Zelda scoffed. "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, Purah. Make the one failsafe we have against utter annihilation inaccessible…  _before_  tragedy strikes."

" _It is not necessary for the Lost Woods to live up to their namesake in a time of peace. I feel no compulsion to instigate her_ _wards."_

"Anyways," Purah continued, dropping the train of thought entirely and turning to Zelda, "aren't you worried that someone's going to get seriously hurt? Shouldn't we like… stop them?"

Zelda sighed. "The Knights are rambunctious, but part of their training is learning responsibility and discipline. If straining themselves too hard on a Sword is what ends up getting them killed, they probably weren't going to last long in the field anyways."

Purah leaned in towards Zelda, who took a step away from her in response. "That's a pretty gruesome hypothetical, princess."

"We might be at peace," Zelda said quietly to Purah, "but that's not the same thing as literally never needing the Knights. I sit in on the War Council meetings. The Knights get deployed almost every fortnight to deal with incidents within our own borders. Every year, there's at least one full-blown uprising they have to quell."

"Hmmm." Purah shifted her weight back and forth across her feet. "Yeah, I don't actually know much about that stuff."

"I know."

Purah displayed a wide grin. "But it's been centuries since anyone has successfully wielded that sword, hasn't it? Don't you think it's time someone finally withdrew it?"

"Isn't that the point? That only the truly worthy can take up the sword? It would besmirch the legacy of the sword if it simply chose to allow itself to be pulled for no good reason."

"Oh please. What does 'worthy' even mean in this context?" Purah turned to the Deku Tree. "How about it? Why don't we let one of the knights successfully retrieve it?"

" _The Sword of Evil's Bane does not answer to me, nor to any other being that I am aware of. I am not even certain it answers to the Gods themselves."_

Purah raised an eyebrow. "Pretentious sword."

"It's just as well," Zelda said, folding her arms. "The last thing I'd want is to find out that the new wielder was someone who hadn't earned it."

Purah blinked.

"Think about it. Some of those Knights have been in service for decades. They've dedicated themselves to the service of my father, myself, and the Kingdom of Hyrule without ever once faltering. They've trained, day after week after fortnight after month after season after year. If ever there were a metric of 'worthiness', wouldn't it be their training and their dedication? Would it not be a slap to their ethos if that sword literally chose someone clearly lesser than them?"

"That's a very interesting attitude to take on the subject of merit and worth,  _Princess_."

Purah smirked and leaned up close to Zelda again. Zelda was backed against the trunk of the Deku Tree, and couldn't step away.

"Yourself literally someone who was born into their station and did nothing themselves to earn it, preaching the merits of a system where only the dedicated and worthy succeed."

Zelda flinched. "I..."

Purah narrowed her eyes, her smile fading slightly. "I have to wonder, princess, if we truly lived in a just and equitable society, whether  _you_  would have been judged worthy of the power you hold."

Zelda didn't say anything as she continued to look away from Purah's interrogating face.

"Well?"

"… Then maybe I shouldn't have been."

Purah's eyes widened, and her imposing expression vanished instantly. Whatever she had been expecting Zelda to say in response, it wasn't that.

Before she could respond in any meaningful capacity, there was a sharp rising of gasps from the direction of the Shrine, followed by unnerving silence.

Purah and Zelda both looked in the direction of the shrine.

By this point, the crowd of Knights was massive, to the point that they simply couldn't see to the middle of the clearing.

"Did someone get hurt?"

Zelda spoke those words without directing them towards anyone, but the Deku Tree responded cryptically, " _this is… a truly curious development."_

Zelda began to run in the direction of the shrine, Purah close behind in tow.

"I wasn't aware the Deku Tree could be sarcastic," Zelda said quietly.

Purah spoke quickly, her jocularity now completely absent. "What happens if someone screws up and over-exerts themselves? Are they just dead, or can you save them? Do you know any healing magic?"

Zelda shook her head. "The only healing magic I know are basic cantrips―not nearly enough to help for real injuries or emergencies. But yes, whatever happened, it should be possible to revive them. Go to my tent and grab my supply bag. I have medicine there."

Purah nodded and split off from Zelda as she reached the crowd of Knights. They didn't notice Zelda as she tried to push her way past them.

"This is a direct order! Stand aside and let me pass!"

The Knights responded lethargically, seemingly transfixed by the accident in the middle of the shrine. But eventually, they did clear enough to allow Zelda to pass.

She ran into the center of the gathering, where she began to shout again, "alright, where is―wait."

She looked around.

No one was lying on the ground.

She then looked at the sword.

Or rather, the pedestal with no sword.

And the boy standing over it, loosely clutching the sword in his hand.

_Wait, what?!_

Zelda focused on the boy.

It was Mipha's friend.

Link.

He stood there, holding the sword loosely in one hand, his other hand cradling the flat edge of the blade.

"… Are you kidding me?" were the words Zelda finally spoke.

Link turned to face her, and Zelda reflexively took a step back.

He had an absolutely terrified look on his face.

"Did… Did you…?"

Zelda allowed the words to hang in the air.

Link looked around at the onlooking Knights, and as he began to nod, they seemed to nod along in consensus.

Purah ran into the clearing, holding the wrong bag.

"Okay, I'm trying to look through this thing, and I can't find―"

Her voice broke off as she realized, same as Zelda had moments before, what had happened.

Purah tilted her head sideways as she looked at Link. "Hey, aren't you the Zora princess's boyfriend?"

A quiet, high-pitched gasp emitted from Link's mouth, but he didn't properly say anything in response, and simply returned to staring at the sword.

Purah produced a wide grin and elbowed Zelda in the side. "Well, that's gotta be awkward, huh!"

In response, Zelda let out the longest, most exasperated sigh she had ever produced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You could probably power a sailboat with the kinetic energy produced by Zelda's exasperation and frustration.


	8. The Offer

"Am I in trouble?"

In the Royal Garrison, after sitting for nearly an hour in total silence, Link finally broke the silence with his question.

Zelda stopped looking at the door and turned to face him, sitting across from her. His face was overtaken with worry.

In his lap was the sheathed Master Sword.

Zelda wasn't quite sure how to answer his question, but as truthfully as possible, she replied, "you didn't do anything wrong."

He made an anxious face and crossed his feet.

"It's just that we don't really know how to react in a situation like this. It's been literal centuries since anyone was able to pull that thing from the shrine. My father―who's supposed to be here, I don't know why he's taking so long―is the only one who has any authority right now."

A noise that almost sounded like a whine emitted from his mouth.

Zelda sighed. "I don't know what's going to happen next. If it were up to me… I'd respect the fact that you are, without any doubt, the rightful bearer of that sword. But..." Zelda let the rest of her thoughts hang in the air.

Link pensively stared at Zelda.

Zelda crossed her arms and returned to looking at the door.

It was another awkward five minutes of silence before the door opened, and King Rhoam entered the room, followed by Impa, who looked troubled.

He glanced at Link, who immediately stood and saluted Rhoam when he entered the room.

"So you're the boy, huh?"

Link nodded.

Zelda grimaced, hearing the inflection of her father's voice.

Over her father's shoulder, she saw Impa trying to get Zelda's attention.

Zelda raised her hand and gave a short, awkward wave.

Rhoam laced his fingers together over his abdomen. "Zelda."

"What is it?" Zelda asked, keeping her voice neutral as she switched her gaze from Impa to her father.

"Did you personally witness him drawing the sword from the shrine?"

Zelda closed her eyes in frustration, knowing full-well where this conversation was going. "No. I arrived on the scene after he had pulled it out."

Rhoam narrowed his eyes. "So we have no genuine evidence that he pulled the sword unassisted, or even himself at all."

Zelda bristled. "I would say there is ample evidence. Not one of the Knights made a claim to having pulled the sword themselves, other than him. Every one of them present testified that he was the one who drew it himself."

"Hmm."

Zelda felt a flash of resentment. "Do you doubt the veracity and integrity of the claims made by the entirety of our Knights?"

Rhoam responded, seeming to ignore the question, "what other evidence is there that he was the one who drew the sword?"

Zelda glanced at Link, who was looking uncomfortable. "Link, stand up and strike a fighting pose, using the sword."

He quickly stood up from his chair and stepped into an open area of the room, before drawing the sword from its sheathe and bending his knees, holding the scabbard as though it were a shield. His pose was uneven and he had difficulty staying still.

"What does this prove?" Rhoam asked.

"If he were not the rightful bearer of the sword, he would have dropped it by now. The Sword is contemptuous of anyone who would wrongfully attempt to wield it."

Rhoam stayed silent and examined Link, walking slowly around him. "What is the Knight Commander's assessment of him?"

Zelda bristled again, feeling uncomfortable talking candidly about someone while they're in the same room as her. "He's one of the higher-performing recruits. He said that Link has tremendous potential, but is lacking when it comes to mastering the more delicate and precise stances and techniques that the Knights teach."

Link punctuated Zelda's sentence by trembling visibly for a moment.

"He wanted to add, however, that that was his assessment of Link  _before_  he managed to pull the Sword."

Rhoam smiled. Zelda was certain the smile was genuine, but she couldn't help feeling unnerved by it. "Impa, take him outside the room and test him on the criteria. Close the door."

Impa looked surprised. "Yes, your majesty."

Zelda raised an eyebrow as Impa led Link by the hand out of the room. "Father?"

The door closed.

"Do you think you could get along with him?" Rhoam bluntly asked Zelda.

"I…" Zelda wasn't sure how to answer that question. "This isn't the first time I've met him. Apparently he and Mipha have known each other a long time, I met him when I was visiting the Zora's Domain. He's… I guess he's not a bad guy. He doesn't talk much, but I figure if Mipha is friends with him, then he can't be that bad."

Rhoam exhaled loudly. "It's been generations since anyone has drawn that sword. If you know anything about me, Zelda, you know I'm not a superstitious man."

Zelda didn't respond to that.

"But despite that… I am compelled to take this event as a sign. The  _Sword of Evil's Bane_  is calling out. Not just to that boy, but to me, to you… to all of us." He narrowed his eyes. "It's a warning. Ganon is returning, and the sword is warning us to take His return seriously."

Zelda felt a flash of anger.  _Wait, I've spent literal months trying to impress upon you the importance of Ganon's Return and how badly we've prepared for it, but instead of listening to your own daughter, this is what finally convinces you?_

"Are you alright?"

Zelda tilted her head away from him. "Headache. It's been a long day."

"Yes, I can see. At any rate, my priority at this time is to the kingdom. If Ganon truly is returning, then Revali's Coalition needs to come together sooner, not later. We need to get the Sheikah clan active in restoring the guardians." He paused. "Let me ask the question more directly. Would that boy be acceptable to you as a bodyguard?"

"Is he acceptable to you?" Zelda responded evasively.

"Yes. A person chosen by the Master Sword itself might as well be part of the royal family, given the history of this kingdom."

Zelda sighed.

She didn't really have a problem with him.

At least not with…

…

"Yes. I imagine he would make a fine bodyguard."

Rhoam briefly nodded, then made his way to the door. Impa was closely examining Link's palm, while he stood, visibly uncomfortable.

"Impa, is everything alright?"

Impa didn't move. "Just doing a cursory check. Sometimes the bearer of the Master Sword is imbued with one of the Triforce Fragments."

"Is he?"

Impa released Link's hand. "I can not prove that he has not been imbued with the Triforce of Courage. But I can not prove he has, either."

"That is fine." Rhoam approached Link. "Knight-Recruit Link. Because of your newly acquired standing as the rightful bearer of that sword, I would like to extend to you an offer to serve as the bodyguard of my daughter, Princess Zelda. The two of you will be joining Revali's Coalition, and you will be, in essence, the second Champion of the Kingdom of Hyrule."

Link's eyes widened.

"Now, naturally, your service is not something I can compel from you. Not least of which because an unwilling bodyguard is not someone I would trust with my daughter's life, and because being the master of that sword represents its own calling. But it would represent a tremendous advancement to your status. You would become a de-facto graduate of the Knights, and be entitled to all of the privileges that Hylian Nobles receive."

Link looked at Zelda.

She suppressed her anger.  _You cannot possibly be dumb enough to turn down something like this. Don't even look at me like that._

Link looked down at his feet.

"It's..."

He looked back up at Zelda, who had folded her arms, looking off to the side.

"It is your choice, Link." She turned to look directly at him. "I would be honored to have you serving me."

Link nodded, then knelt down abruptly and said, quickly, "I accept."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can't you be happy, Zelda?


	9. Mipha, the Unflappable

"So when does he officially join us in the coalition?"

"You could probably just ask him."

"Ah. Well, uh. He… didn't seem to know."

Zelda closed her eyes in frustration. "I don't really know for sure, either. Despite his knight training, there's still some extra training he needs to go through if he's going to serve as my bodyguard. My guess is that it won't take more than a few weeks, but a lot of it depends on how he performs."

"I… See."

Zelda raised her eyebrow at the solemn Zora Princess as she replied to Zelda's answer.

Mipha suddenly brightened up again. "So when are the other champions going to get here?"

The two of them were walking along the ramparts of the castle, making their way to the guest quarters. Mipha had a large bag slung around her shoulder.

"Revali and Daruk are expected to arrive later tonight. Once they get here, one of them, myself, a few members from the Sheikah Clan research team, and my normal contingent of escorts will be making our way to the Gerudo City to try to assist them. Chieftain Urbossa hasn't named a champion for the Gerudo yet, probably because they haven't found their Divine Beast yet. So we're going to try to assist them in the search."

Mipha clasped her hands together. "That sounds like fun! Do you think you could pick me to bring along?"

Zelda stopped in place, staring at Mipha with a bewildered look on her face. "Mipha, you do know that the Gerudo City is in the middle of an expansive desert, right?"

"Mm-hmm!" Mipha replied, beaming.

"Desert, Mipha. Not Dessert."

"I've always wanted to see the Gerudo Desert. I'm told it looks nothing like home. And a city with only women in it―oh, it sounds like a great place to visit!"

"Okay, but…" Zelda sized Mipha up, looking at her scales. "I don't intend any disrespect, but you're… You know. A Zora. We'd have to travel for almost a whole day through the desert before we even reach the oasis. Can you handle… Like, it's not just the heat, it's also the dryness."

Mipha's eyes perked up. "Oh, don't worry about that. I, uh, hang on. I'll show you once we get to my room."

"Show me… what?"

Mipha spoke excitedly. "Well, even in the Hyrule mainlands, there's areas that don't have a lot of water. Especially since the roads cross near the Eldin region, which means the air becomes, uh..." Mipha strained herself, before pouting at Zelda, "I can't remember the word."

"Dehydrated?"

Mipha leaned towards Zelda, smiling. "Yes! That's the word! Now, normally, we don't spend enough time, even in travel, that it matters to us: we keep canteens of water if we get uncomfortable, and even have potions we can take for temporary relief, especially for kids like my brother. But!" She said, punctuating her sentence by abruptly pointing her finger in the air, "should we ever find ourselves in a situation where we might be forced to camp for a night or two in any such inhospitabubble a region, we have some tools we use to set up wading ponds for sleep. And if it's during the day… Well, I'll show you."

Zelda blinked. ' _Inhospitabubble'?_

Opening the door to Mipha's Guest bedroom, Zelda allowed Mipha to step through first. The bed had been removed and the room retrofitted with a wading pond in its place.

"Oh wow! It's just like at home!" Mipha exclaimed, staring wide-eyed at the wading pond.

Zelda slipped back into her polite voice. "If there are any other accommodations you need, you are of course welcome to request them. I am not aware of how much time the coalition will be spending within the walls of the castle, given that our duties will involve a considerable amount of travel, but I suspect all of us will be spending more time here than in any other region."

Mipha set her bag on the floor. "That's so kind of you!"

She threw her arms around Zelda and pulled her into an enthusiastic hug.

Zelda stood stiffly, accepting Mipha's hug with her arms down at her sides. Eventually, seeing that Mipha wasn't letting up, she began awkwardly patting her on the back.

She was able to get a decent tactile sense of the rough-yet-delicate texture of Mipha's scales on her back.

_At first, you expect the sensation to be, well, like gripping a fish. And that's certainly the first impression. But a few seconds later, you realize that impression is all wrong. The individual scales do not have the hardness one might expect. Instead, they yield against your touch. A more apt comparison might be to Eczema, but with distinct ridges demarcating the individual scales comprising the dermal layer. This certainly seems to suggest that, while the Zora are indeed a distinct racial dialect from Hylians, the differences may be less dramatic once you look past their external physiology. It might even be reasonable to presume that―_

"Anyways," Mipha continued, abruptly breaking off the hug, "this is what I was going to show you." Mipha reached to open up her bag, and pulled out what looked like a large glob of… something.

Zelda blinked.

The way the light was reflecting off of it, Zelda couldn't make out the shape of the object. It was highly translucent, but beyond that, it was impossible to discern its actual shape.

But then Mipha began to 'unfold' it, and Zelda slowly began to understand what she was looking at.

After about a minute, Mipha unfolded what looked like a deflated life-size zora, but made out of nothing but water. Because of the way light refracted through the object (suit?), sunbeams from the window were scattered on the floor below it.

Mipha flapped the suit in front of her once before setting it on the ground and stepping on top of it. She then began to slide it up her body, until she was completely covered in it. She was still visible inside the suit, but the suit's distortion of light caused her body, especially her face, to distort dramatically.

Mipha posed for Zelda. "It's a Zora Wet-Suit! Or, uh." She looked confused for a moment. "I think for Hylians, the term 'wet-suit' already has a meaning. Oh dear. Um… Well, I guess the principle is still the same! Hylians wear a wet-suit to travel into water, Zora wear a wet-suit to travel into dry areas. This suit will keep me hydrated even in the middle of a desert!" She paused for a moment.

Zelda  _thought_  Mipha was beaming, but because of the way her face was distorted, it was actually impossible to tell for sure.

"So what do you think? Pretty cool, right?"

Zelda blinked again.

Mipha looked  _absolutely_   _ridiculous_  in the suit. Had she not vowed to try not to make fun of Mipha so much, Zelda would be laughing hysterically.

For starters, Mipha's eyes were no longer the same size, with one eye almost three times larger than it should have been, and the other half-size. Her mouth was twisted into something that superficially resembled a permanent smile, but because it had also been translated laterally across her face, her mouth just looked like a weird red mustache.

"I can't deny it's functional," Zelda settled on, trying to put on a face that looked impressed.

"I know, right!" Mipha quickly stripped herself out of the suit. "So I can come along then, right?"

Zelda shrugged. "I mean, if that thing can keep you from drying up in the desert, then I guess there aren't any problems."

"Yaaay!" Mipha grinned wildly.

Zelda pointed towards the door. "I gotta work on getting stuff ready for Revali and Daruk to arrive. I'll come find you after dinner, alright?"

"Mm-Hmm!" Mipha began pulling trinkets out of her bag to set around the room.

As Zelda turned to exit the room, Mipha called out to her again.

"Oh, by the way, Zelda."

Zelda swiveled around on one foot to face Mipha again, and was taken aback by the contrite look on her face.

"I am so grateful for your hospitality. To you, and your father, and your kingdom."

Zelda instinctively placed her hand under her heart. "Ah, yes. You are most welcome."

Zelda closed the door, and once she was out of earshot of Mipha, she breathed out a sigh of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mipha is a perfect Cinnamon Roll, too pure to coexist with a world as sinful as Hyrule.


	10. When Persuasion Fails

"Good evening, princess. You look as lovely as ever," Revali said pleasantly, though with the barest hint of a sneer, as he made his way past the castle gate.

Zelda put on a convincing smile. "You as well, Revali. Has anything changed in the week since you first visited us?"

"Hmm..." Revali put his hand up to his chin, allowing his claw to stroke lightly. "In the grand scheme of things, we remain poised to press forwards with research into the functions and capabilities of our Divine Beast, along with the other two, soon-to-be three. Speaking of..." A glint formed in his eye. "Will your newly chosen bodyguard be accompanying us as we assist the Gerudo with the remainder of their preliminary efforts?"

Zelda shook her head. "No, he has bodyguard training he needs to complete first. So I will be accompanied by my normal regiment when we set off."

"That is unfortunate. I was hoping I would get a chance to… size him up, as it were."

Zelda crossed her arms, scoffing. "I do not believe he is interested in men."

Zelda's face suddenly turned red as she realized the faux-pas she had just committed.

She turned to Revali, expecting him to be offended, but instead, he simply looked bemused. A slanted smile formed from his mouth. "Not at all what I implied by my comment… But I find it very interesting that that was where  _your_  mind went, young princess."

"I..." Zelda stammered.

His expression became more pleasant. "At any rate, if he is the man I have heard him to be, I very much doubt he would be my type. I do not care much for men who are unable to carry a conversation."

"Ah." Zelda relaxed slightly, sensing he wasn't going to take offense at her comment. "Oh. I actually meant to speak with you about the trip to the Gerudo. First of all, were we planning to leave tonight, after Daruk arrives?"

Revali chuckled for reasons Zelda didn't follow. "Oh, I certainly hope not! I was planning to spend a few days acquainting myself with your research team. And I do not expect Daruk will be in much of a hurry to go anywhere until he's had a proper survey of your Hylian Cuisine." He smirked again. "I hope your kitchen staff will be able to keep up with him."

"Okay, well, I know you're probably nonetheless excited to set out to see the desert―"

"Hardly," Revali interrupted, "if it were my choice, I would probably send Daruk out into the desert, but he insisted that I 'owed him a favor'. For what, I honestly cannot recall."

Zelda felt a pang of frustration as he spoke. "Well, be that as it may―"

"Actually," Revali said, frowning, "if I think about it deductively, I am quite certain he is simply fabricating my debt towards him in an attempt to get out of traveling to the desert himself..."

"Well, then I might have some good news," Zelda said, trying to make her voice sound like she actually saw it as good news, "because Mipha actually volunteered to go along."

Revali raised an eyebrow. "The Zora Girl? I don't think I have had the pleasure of meeting her yet." He suddenly beamed. "But seeing as she suggested it, I am happy to stand aside and allow her to take my place!"

Zelda grimaced. "Well, I mean, you say that, but she is a Zora."

"Yes, I imagine she is something of an oddity to have an appreciation for such harsh terrain, but I hear their tech―or perhaps magic; I have personally never taken the time to understand it―is actually quite accomplished at mitigating those environmental factors. I expect they might even be the most natural allies to the Gerudo people were it not for the tech being so stubbornly difficult to fabricate at a mass scale."

Zelda tried to come up with a different excuse. "Okay, but… In a way, are you not the leader of this coalition? It might seem wrong-footed to approach the Gerudo people without you accompanying us."

Revali continued to look amused. "I stake no claim to leadership in this coalition, young princess. True, I was the one who was bold―and dare I say in spite of myself, standoffish―enough to propose the formation of this coalition of ours, but I cannot help but feel the duties of leadership should be democratically decided upon by those of us actually comprising the coalition."

Zelda winced, suddenly feeling uncomfortable about how that decision was going to be made.

"What do you make of the Zora Princess's diplomatic capabilities? Do you feel she might be unable to present herself appropriately while in the presence of the Gerudo people?"

Zelda couldn't outright lie. "I think she is very diplomatically capable. Certainly, she seems very well-versed in all the pleasantries of being a political figure."

Revali grinned widely. "Then I suspect she might be a far superior candidate for your trip than Daruk or I might be!"

"Well..."

BOOM!

Zelda, remembering when Purah came crashing through her window, upon hearing a cannon blast in the distance, instinctively dropped to the floor, covering her head and darting her eyes around at the walls.

Revali looked unperturbed. "Hmm. I wonder who that could be." He didn't inflect as though that were meant to be a question.

"Incoming!" came a quiet, but distant, yell.

Zelda looked up at Revali. "What do you mean?"

Revali held up several claws. "Three… Two… One..." he said, retracting his claws one at a time.

The pause after he finished saying 'one' was broken by a sudden loud Thud in a nearby area.

Zelda cautiously stood up. "That… sounded like it came from the courtyard."

"Indeed," Revali said, a twinkle in his eye. "Shall we go greet him?"

He began to walk off, but stopped.

"Ah… Princess, I will need you to guide me to your courtyard. I do not know the layout of this castle yet."

Zelda pointed down a side hallway. "This way."


	11. Hylia Help the Chefs

“Hello there, Little Princess!”

Zelda gawked up at the towering Goron, a wide grin plastered on his face.

Revali smirked. “You're earlier than we were expecting, Daruk!”

Daruk folded his arms, turning to look with an amused expression at Revali. “Well, it wouldn't do for a Hyrule Champion to be tardy! Besides, once I heard you were making your way here, I knew I wanted to catch up before we had to get to work.”

“I do not believe that a lack of down time will be a pressing concern,” Revali said, his eye twinkling. “Indeed, I happen to believe that merriment will be essential to our progress.”

Daruk chuckled as he sighed. “You never change.” He turned back to Zelda. “So Little Princess, I don't think we've ever had the pleasure of meeting each other.” He extended his arm, beaming, and said, “I am Daruk, the Goron Champion.”

Zelda shook his hand. “It is an hon―ah!”

His grip was vice-like, surprising her.

Maintaining her composure, she finished her greeting. “―honor to meet you, Champion Daruk.”

Daruk retracted his hand as Zelda tended to her hand. “You look perplexed, Little Princess.”

“Zelda is just fine. And, uh...” Zelda peered around the courtyard. “I heard a cannon go off before you arrived? I am confused as to what took place…?”

Daruk's grin lessened as he awkwardly reached behind his back. “Ah. Well, uh,” he began pointing at the wall. “So… You know how there's a large river that runs to and from the castle?”

“It serves as a natural defense against invaders. I am aware of it,” Zelda said, her tone turning deadpan.

Daruk began to grin sheepishly. “Yes! Well. It is possible that, as my escorts and myself were approaching the castle, we noticed that, due to the river, even though we were within only a dozen kilometers of the castle, it would take much of the rest of the day to travel around it to the nearest bridge. And it is further possible that I, the cunning and self-reliant Daruk, whose grand duty _before_ being named Champion of the Goron people, was to attain mastery over the use of our cannons, one of which we had brought along to aid in the research.”

Zelda's eyes widened. “Um.”

Daruk pounded his chest. “And I, Daruk, am the master of a powerful barrier magic, one which has enabled me to place myself within our specially made Cannons, and launch myself at no risk to my own well-being!”

Revali began stifling a laugh.

Slowly, as Zelda understood what Daruk had done, a terrifying thought crossed her.

_Daruk and Purah can never be allowed to meet._

Zelda sighed. “Well, as long as you clean up your divot, I guess it is not a problem. I am glad you were able to expedite your journey here.”

“Divot?”

Zelda pointed at the rather plus-sized crater of upturned dirt in a clear area of the courtyard.

Daruk looked flabbergasted at the crater. “Where did that come from?!”

_Daruk and Purah can never be allowed to meet._ “You obviously upturned a lot of dirt when you landed.”

Daruk continued to look confused. “What is wrong with the dirt in your land that it yields so effortlessly?”

_Dear Hylia please never let Daruk and Purah meet._ “You know the Eldin region is mostly rock, right? Rock has a tendency to yield less than dirt. You're probably just used to testing your… Cannon launches at home.”

Daruk finally seemed to understand. “That… Makes sense.”

Zelda turned to Revali, who had turned away from both of them and was barely keeping his laughter in check.

“What?” Zelda asked, her tone more exasperated than she intended.

Revali coughed, then abruptly stood at attention with a poker face. “I didn't say anything, your highness.”

Zelda turned back to Daruk, who had begun making his way towards the crater. “What are you doing?”

He turned around. “Ah, well, you said I should replace my divot...”

“I… That was a figure of…” Zelda pointed at the palace. “We have servants we pay to take care of stuff like this.”

“I don't want to burden them.”

Zelda glanced sideways. “Well, they have not even started landscaping for the season yet. Upturning the dirt might actually be to their benefit.” She folded her arms. “Maybe it would be appropriate to have you assist them if your normal duties wane.” She cleared her throat.

Revali raised an eyebrow at Daruk. “So how's the state of Vah Rudania?”

“Oh, she's a beauty,” Daruk replied, grinning again. “Have you spent any time inside of Vah Medoh?”

Revali shrugged. “I spent a fair amount of time surveying the beast to observe what state it is in. I haven't the faintest clue how to operate it as of yet.”

Daruk opened his mouth and wordlessly moved it for a few seconds. “Yeah… That's…”

There was a moment of awkward silence as both of the men looked at Zelda.

She frowned. “Don't look at me, I know less than you two do about how to operate the Divine Beasts.”

Revali shrugged. “It would appear we have quite the work set out for us, then.”

Daruk pounded his fist. “Oh! We did discover one function. Rudania has a gyroscopic chamber isolated from the body of the beast. And using the manual controls, we found that the chamber rotates freely from the rest of the body. So when you're riding her, you don't need to worry about getting turned upside down.”

Revali shrugged. “That's valuable information.”

“Hello!”

Zelda could hear the faint voice of Mipha calling out from the distance. She, Daruk, and Revali all turned towards the ramparts, where they could see her waving down at them.

Daruk grinned again. “Hello, uh… M… Martha?”

Zelda rolled her eyes. “Mipha. And she can't hear you from here.”

Daruk took a deep breath and bellowed, “HELLO MIPHA!”

Zelda winced at the sheer volume of Daruk's voice.

Mipha raised up her hand. “Hello! Uh, one second!” She began to frantically look around.

Daruk scratched his head. “What is she doing?”

Mipha glanced at the fountain in the courtyard. It was dirty from having been left uncleaned over the last season, but Mipha suddenly leapt onto the edge of the Rampart nonetheless.

Zelda raised an eyebrow. “Is she going to…?”

Mipha held up her arms and dove downwards into the fountain, splattering mucky water around the courtyard.

Zelda blinked. “I guess we can add that to the list of chores the servants will be tasked with this season...”

Mipha emerged from the fountain, her whole body covered in sludge, and she began to cheerfully trot towards the other three. When she reached them, she stopped abruptly, causing Zelda to fidget as a clump of mud landed near her feet. “Hello!”

Daruk extended his hand. “A pleasure to meet you, Mary!”

“Mipha,” Zelda corrected.

“Mipha!”

Mipha gripped his hand and shook vigorously. “It's wonderful to meet you as well, Daruk.” She turned to Revali. “I suppose you must be Revali, it's great to meet you too!” she said, extending her arm again.

Revali, for a brief moment, looked mortified, but he nonetheless shook Mipha's hand. “Same to you, princess.” When she let go of his hand, he gingerly tried to wipe the mud off his hand.

Mipha turned back to Daruk, a small amount of mud getting flung off of her fin. “So you just got here then? Who are we missing then?”

“Whomever Urbossa appoints to join us,” Zelda said, wary that, even though they had already met, Mipha might find an excuse to try to shake Zelda's hand. “Which will happen after we help them uncover their Divine Beast.”

“Oh, right!” She turned to Revali. “Did Zelda tell you what I suggested, that I accompany her to assist the Gerudo people?”

Revali shrugged. “I'm afraid I'm not sure why you're addressing me, since that decision mainly falls on Zelda's shoulders.”

Zelda winced.

“Well, I just didn't want to intertrude on you, if you were planning to go.”

_Intrude._

“I have no love of vast deserts. I am happy to yield to you. Daruk?”

Daruk shrugged.

Zelda prodded him, “you know, I do not believe the Gerudo often get to see a real live goron.”

“Ehh...” Daruk shook his head. “I'd rather not be a sideshow spectacle. If you want to go, Misha, then I won't stand in your way.”

Mipha nodded happily.

“Mipha.”

She turned to Zelda. “What?”

Zelda blinked. “Oh, no, I was just correcting his pronunciation.

“Oh, what did he say?”

“Misha.”

“Oh. Well, I guess my name kind of does sound like that!”

Daruk raised his arm. “Hey, I got a question.”

Zelda turned to him. “What?”

“When do we get to eat??”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Goron Diet mostly consists of Gemstones. Capitalists Beware.


	12. Smooth

"… And that was the third time she tried to attack us. After that, we agreed that we should try to talk diplomatically with her, even if she didn't deserve it."

Daruk concluded with that sentence, and taking up two seats at the table, centrally located in the dining hall, he picked up the roast sirloin that had been served to him, and he bit directly into the bone, his teeth crunching through the bone.

Zelda winced. That the Gorons were absurdly strong wasn't news to her, or that their diet was somewhat  _unusual_ ; but it was always unnerving to hear the  _crack_  of snapping bones each time Daruk bit into the sirloin.

Revali rolled his eyes as he set his fork down. "If I recall correctly,  _I_  decided that it was best for us to try to make peace with her.  _You_  wanted to try to challenge her to another wrestling match."

Daruk looked taken aback. "She obviously cheated!"

Revali sighed. "How, exactly, did she cheat?"

"She's like 60 kilograms! It shouldn't be possible for her to throw me over her back!"

Revali grinned slyly. "Then I suppose you should clarify that she didn't actually throw you. She just waited for you to lunge at her, and then she tripped you."

Daruk folded his arms. "A few more tries and I would have gotten her!"

"Doubtlessly. And in the meantime, her sergeant would have left, and we wouldn't have been able to bargain for the gemstones."

Daruk scratched his head.

Mipha began giggling.

Daruk turned to look at her. "What?"

Mipha composed herself. "Sorry. Link just made a joke to me."

Zelda raised an eyebrow at Link, who was seated next to Mipha, and quietly eating his food.

"He thought it was kind of interesting that you two have been friends for so long, even though you're so different from each other."

Link made a face at Mipha somewhere between bafflement and amusement, which Zelda interpreted as a suggestion that she had taken a few liberties with her explanation.

Daruk grinned. "I think you're one to talk, Mira. You and the boy are also pretty different from each other."

Mipha seemed surprisingly upset by that claim. "How do you figure?"

Revali swallowed a bite of a leaf from his salad. "Well, for starters, you seem much more outgoing than him."

"I think that's the understatement of the century," Zelda followed sardonically.

"Plus," Daruk added, "you seem…" He scratched his chin. "How do I put it…? More… proper."

"Proper?" Mipha tilted her head sideways.

"Because you're a princess," Zelda replied, cutting into her steak. "Like me, you've spent almost your whole life learning manners and etiquette, and when you do that stuff for long enough, eventually that's just how you act."

Mipha looked at Link curiously. He had a somewhat embarrassed look on his face. "I suppose that's possible, but I've never felt we were that much different from each other." She turned to face the table. "The last time he came to visit, he brought along a Hylian Card game that neither of us were familiar with. I got my brother and some of his friends to join us."

Mipha grinned.

"Of course, being kids, they're all pretty underdelevoped, so Link and I ended up beating them pretty quickly. But when the game came down to just the two of us, suddenly we were in a stalemate. For almost an hour! Every time I thought I had him on the ropes, he'd find some clever strategy to get himself back in the game, and whenever things were dire for me, I'd see an opening I hadn't thought of before."

"So who ended up winning?" Revali asked.

Mipha blinked, confusedly. "Uh." She turned to Link. "Do you remember which of us won?"

Link's eyes glanced at a corner of the ceiling.

Mipha smacked her fist into her palm. "Oh! Yeah, you're right."

Link then glanced at Mipha directly.

"Gotcha." She turned to face the table again. "So I got really close to winning, but Link had a secret card he'd been holding on to most of the game he was going to use as a last-ditch effort. But then my brother injured himself by running around my room, and I had to take him to my dad. On the way back, we got distracted because we thought we saw something in the nearby falls, and I ended up swimming us out to take a look. We didn't find anything, but we ended up playing in the waterfall for so long that we forgot what state of the game it was in, and we just decided to call it a draw."

Zelda's mouth hung open.  _Do they have some kind of telepathy or something?_

She wasn't the only one perplexed by Mipha's ability to understand Link's expressions. Daruk began laughing raucously, causing both Mipha and Link to jump in their seats.

"Alright, Marla. I take back what I said before. I think you and the boy actually are a lot like each other."

Mipha didn't seem to understand what prompted the change of opinion.

Revali nodded. "Indeed. Though one could make a similar case regarding myself and Daruk. When we met, we were both headstrong teenagers." His eye twinkled. "It's true that I take pride in my finesse, precision, and technique, whereas Daruk is more of a heavy-lifter, so to speak, but we met at a time that we had one unifying desire: to escape from the confines of our dull homes."

Daruk crossed his arms. "My old man wanted me to become an armorsmith. I didn't hate the work, but I spent all day making armor that I never got to wear myself. All I got to do was meet people who were leading lives more exciting than mine!"

Revali shrugged. "I was the runt of my flock. It seemed like my parents expected my siblings to amount to greatness; not so much for me."

For a brief moment, the room went quiet.

"I proved them wrong, of course," Revali added, a smirk gracing his beak, "but that didn't happen until after I found a friend who was willing to enable my more… bold… schemes."

Daruk chomped into the bone of his sirloin.

Mipha clasped her hands together, beaming. "I guess you two aren't that different either!"

Daruk frowned as he wiped his face. "Yeah, although sometimes the things he says go over my head."

Revali shrugged. "Well, it's not your fault I go over your head. I am a Rito after all," he concluded, a sly grin gracing his face.

Daruk burst out raucously laughing in response to Revali's pun.

Zelda covered her face so no one would hear her sigh.  _It wasn't that funny, Daruk._

She could hear muffled giggling, and realized that Link, too had giggled in response to Revali.

_Really?!_

Mipha glanced over at Zelda. "So what are your friends like?"

Zelda nearly choked on her food. "Uh."

She looked up at Mipha's innocent, oblivious face.

"They're... Nice." Zelda replied lamely.

Mipha smiled. "Cool."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zelda's friends are like the sociological equivalent of Dark Matter: theoretically exists, but no one has any evidence of it.


	13. Training

"The energy you're seeking takes the form of an eternal spring, so to access it—"

"I can't visit the Springs. My father says I'm not old enough."

Impa raised an eyebrow, peering over the heavy textbook she was reading from, at Zelda. "It's a metaphorical Spring, not a literal Spring."

Zelda sat cross-legged on the floor, sighing despondently. "Right." Her eyes were closed and her hands were on her knees.

"Metaphysical," Purah chimed in, her feet kicked up on Zelda's desk, working with Zelda's Shiekah Slate.

Impa glanced at Purah. "What?"

"It's not metaphorical. It's metaphysical."

Zelda grimaced.

"What's the difference?" Impa asked.

"It's... Ugh." Purah sat up, setting the slate down on the desk. "A 'Metaphorical' Spring would be like if the Spring didn't actually exist, like it's actually a pond or a creek or something."

"But it doesn't exist."

"No, it does. It just doesn't have a physical presence in our world, like the Springs of Power, Wisdom, or Courage. It's metaphysical, because while it is real, it's not physical, it exists in the Magical Field."

"Which I need alllll my concentration to access," Zelda said, irritated.

Impa shot Purah an angry look. "Right. Sorry, princess."

Purah shrugged, and attempted to pick up the slate again, but she fumbled the slate and it clattered to the floor, causing Zelda to wince.

"Seriously?!" Impa exclaimed.

"Relax, it's fine." Purah picked it up, examined the corner where it had struck the ground. "It damaged the floor more than itself."

Zelda opened an eye to peek at Purah. "You'd better not be tampering with that thing. Why are you even here?"

Purah leaned back in her seat. "Relax. I'm just updating its firmware."

Zelda blinked. "What?"

Purah rolled her eyes. "Oh my bad, sorry. I'm..." She raised her hands in the air to perform sarcastic air-quotes, " _Distilling a new Rune into the Shiekah Slate._ There, you happy, you pretentious little—"

Impa coughed loud enough to drown out Purah's remark. "Okay. So. This Spring. You'll need to channel your own magical power to gain access to it. Are you tapping your magic?"

"I'm trying to."

"Reach out with your mind, as though you're—"

"I know how to reach out with my mind!" Zelda exclaimed in frustration.

Impa set the book down. "Maybe we should stop for now?"

"No! I can get this. Just keep reading."

Impa worriedly looked back at the book. "Using the reach of your mind, probe the surface of the Spring. Sense both the edges of the Metaphor—Metaphysical energy, and the depths of the energy within, and scoop it, as though attempting to clasp water within your hands. Then—"

"The mind isn't a hand! It's... Why would anyone think that's an intuitive way to explain magic?"

Impa didn't say anything.

"Who wrote that book? What's the name of its author?"

"I..." Impa examined the cover. "It says... 'Druce'."

"Dumb name for a dumb sorcerer."

"The insert says he lived for over three hundred years."

Zelda slammed her fists into the ground. "So, what, he's been dead for centuries then?! How would he know how to teach us then?! That's why I can't learn this stuff, we need better books." She began to nurse her palms, which had been scratched by the rough floor.

Impa closed the book. "I'll see if I can find some more modern takes on this material."

Zelda furrowed her brow in frustration. "Yeah. Please do that."

"Well, look at it this way," Purah said cheerfully. "Maybe you'll fail to learn how to control your magic, and Ganon will return and plunge Hyrule into darkness, destroying the kingdom utterly."

Impa let out an aggravated scream. "That is not helping, Purah!"

"What?! It's stress therapy. Like how if you drop a horse on top of someone, the adrenaline rush will give them the strength they need to push it off, you know, unless you've given them so many adrenaline elixers that they've developed a tolerance and you also used a horse that was way fatter than the stock they breed for knights, and also maybe you forgot that they were a young man who'd worked as a tailor and had never performed manual labor in his life that one time."

Zelda narrowed her eyes at Purah. "Purah, if I, or for that matter, literally anyone else were to inspect your division and the lab you work in, how many violations of hylian rights would we uncover?"

Purah shut off the slate and set it down on the desk, hopping up from her seat as she did so. "Hey, princess," she said with a complacent smile on her face.

She leaned down to Zelda.

"... Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Saying that has literally the opposite effect."

Purah rubbed her forehead. "So narrow-minded. Hey, Impa? How is it, exactly, that us Shiekah aren't running this whole kingdom?"

Impa replied sardonically, "probably because Hyrule Kingdom is well fortified and has an army of more than ten thousand knights, each loyal not only to the King and the Royal Bloodline, but also loyal to the State in their absence, whereas the Shiekah Clan barely represents a few thousand individuals, thirty percent of which are children, and one hundred percent of which are obsessed with Bananas, a flaw which can be cursorily exploited by even the least adept tactician in the Hyrule Army."

"They have so much potassium though!"

Zelda folded her arms. "I can name five foods that I ate just for lunch today that have higher potassium concentrations than Bananas."

Purah folded her arms in return. "Oh really?!"

"Potatoes, Spinach, Tomatoes, Beans, and Beets," Zelda said, counting them off with her fingers.

"Those aren't..." Purah's eyes darted to the ceiling. "... I have research to do."

And with that, she dashed out of the room.

Impa sat at Zelda's desk. "I'm sorry we weren't able to get further in your training."

Zelda shrugged.

"So three of the other Champions have arrived. I've been busy all day, how did greeting them go?"

"I guess they're... civil mannered. Mostly. Daruk is kind of... Well. You know how Gorons are."

Impa winced. "Please do not say things like that, especially to other people who might report your bigotry to the masses."

"You wouldn't do that."

"I might!"

Zelda raised an eyebrow.

Impa puffed out her chest, "I'd definitely tell the king!"

Zelda sighed. "It doesn't matter."

"Well, it does matter. The Gorons are an invaluable ally, and I have friends within their city. You stereotyping about their culture is hurtful."

"... Sorry."

"How about the others? Or is this just going to be an enumeration of how racist you are?"

Zelda chuckled. "Revali seems cool. Kind of stuck-up, but I think that's something he and I have in common. And Mipha can be kind of annoying, but... I think I envy her."

Impa folded her arms.

"Being friendly to people comes so naturally to her. Even if she's in love with that trainee-knight, she seems like she'd be genuinely happy even if he didn't reciprocate those feelings. Although... Given how in-sync they are, I'm not even sure what the difference would be if he did."

"You know, about that... If Link is supposed to be your bodyguard, don't you think it might be a conflict of interest, if you guys end up in a dangerous situation, and he's suddenly torn between protecting his friend/girlfriend, or you?"

Zelda chuckled. "I guess that is a potential concern." She shook her head. "No, I'm not worried about that. The whole point of the bodyguard training is about overcoming those kinds of biases. And it's not like it's a bad thing for him to want to protect her too; she is the Zora Champion, and their princess. She's pretty important in her own right."

"I suppose that's true."

Zelda glanced out at the night sky. "I'm going to head to bed."

Impa stood up and bowed. "Very well. Have a good night, Zelda."

"You too."

Impa crossed the room to the door and closed it behind her.

Zelda frowned. "Besides," she said quietly, "it's not like I'm worth protecting anyways."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For what it's worth, Zelda, Entropy is an inevitable force in the universe, and all your problems are insignificant in the face of our mutual eventual erasure.


End file.
